IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #planners #shops #schools #offices #homes #areas #policy
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It has been seen that planners are building shopping centres,
schools
, offices and houses in different areas and apart from each other. There is no about that the benefits outweigh than demerits of
this
 policy and I will discuss it in
this
 essay. On the first hand, the biggest problem solved by making separate
schools
 and office
places
 is
traffic
. Every morning
people
 have to be in
traffic
 jams only because the timing of office hours and school is the same.
For example
, the school's opening time is 7:00am and
people
 going for a job have to start at 7:00 am . So, at the same time
due to
 buses, it's very big
traffic
 jams. Every individual leaves their house early to avoid
traffic
.
Furthermore
, it's more often that on busy roads so many accidents happen. Just because of timing. So, it is a very good way to control accidents and
traffic
 jams. The other benefit is that all
schools
 and offices should be built in quiet
places
. The reason behind
this
 is to concentrate properly on studies and work. If the school and office are in the city, it makes too much noise which makes disturbance and causes problems later.
However
, the only drawback of making all the
places
 on different sites is a waste of fuel.
For instance
, if someone has to go to buy something after work, they have to waste extra fuel because shops are too far from them and they have to commute for it. Sometimes,
people
 have to take public transport which takes hours to go to different
places
. In conclusion, making all shops and
schools
 in different areas is a great idea to reduce
traffic
 and decrease accidents
whereas
,
people
 have to commute longer if everything is in different areas.
Submitted by kaursaijbir on

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organization
Improve the clarity and accuracy of the introduction to better frame the essay's main points and arguments. E.g., remove "there is no about that".
content
Provide a more nuanced discussion of the potential disadvantages to round out the essay and provide a balanced viewpoint. Currently, the focus is heavily on advantages with a brief mention of the drawback.
language
Reduce grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, e.g., "It's very big traffic jams" should be "It leads to significant traffic jams." Improving sentence structure will enhance readability.
content
You have identified key points both for and against the policy, which shows a balanced approach.
examples
The essay includes relevant real-world examples, such as traffic congestion due to synchronized school and office hours, which help to illustrate your points.
organization
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a clear beginning and ending.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Segregation
  • Urban areas
  • Residential
  • Commercial
  • Industrial
  • Systematic development
  • Amenity provision
  • Urban management
  • Pollution
  • Quality of life
  • Transportation costs
  • Environmental impact
  • Social segregation
  • Amenities
  • Services
  • Income neighborhoods
  • Vibrant
  • Accessible
  • Travel times
  • Social interaction
  • Mixed-use developments
  • Sustainable urban planning
  • Walking
  • Cycling
  • Public transport
  • Urban sprawl
  • Green spaces
  • Agricultural land
  • Biodiversity
  • Business hubs
  • Investments
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic growth
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