IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Instead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some educators feel that for
students
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 to learn effectively they must do experiments themselves, rather than
simple
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simply
show examples
 observing their teachers. In my opinion,
this
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 sentiment has its limits, but in
general
Add a comma
general,
show examples
 pupils would benefit more from
such
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 a hands-on approach. Detractors argue that it is more efficient to watch a teacher perform an experiment in front of the class. Throughout the course of the academic year, in classes
such
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 as chemistry, biology and physics, teachers will have to cover dozens of topics and highlight numerous theorems. The teacher may perform experiments in order to illustrate concepts when applicable. If
students
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 conduct these exercises
instead
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, it would mean less time to go over other areas and would necessitate reducing the size of the curriculum. Their learning may achieve greater depth but the breadth would be abridged.
Nonetheless
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, performing an experiment oneself promotes greater understanding. Take
for example
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 a chemistry class.
Students
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 are only likely to remember the end result if the teacher explains the formula for a chemical reaction, selects the ingredients themselves and
then
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 mixes and highlights the process.
In contrast
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, if the
students
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 must identify, measure and carefully follow steps on their own, they will commit
this
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 information more deeply to memory. Their later analysis will
further
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 reinforce a more complex understanding of the forces at play in a given experiment. Recent pedagogical research supports the contention that the physicality of performing is a powerful aid to memory and the key to long-term retention. In conclusion, though there are legitimate reasons to not apply
this
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 rule without nuance, it is important that
students
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 generally be given the opportunity to carry out experiments on their own. What
students
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 internalize will be naturally more memorable.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is elaborated upon with sufficient detail. While the essay has a logical structure, some arguments would benefit from more in-depth examples or explanations to support the main points.
task achievement
A strong task response requires fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Although the essay provides a balanced view, it lacks a definitive position on whether students should do experiments themselves. It would be improved with more specific examples and a clearer conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.
lexical resource
To improve your lexical resource score, aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with precision and demonstrate awareness of collocation. Avoid repetition of words where possible by using synonyms or phrases that convey the same meaning.
grammatical range
To score higher in grammatical range and accuracy, include a variety of sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, and use them accurately. Pay close attention to punctuation and make sure verb tenses are consistent and appropriate for the context of your sentences.
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