IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Write at least 250 words

#minutes #students #work #results #time #education #pressure
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Education has become essential in
this
 modern era, where many people seek to study to get a certificate. So
students
 are expected to dedicate enough
time
 to their studies.
However
, there may be some circumstances that make some
students
 work, and
therefore
, they will not have much
time
 for their studies. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons for
this
 problem and try to recommend some possible solutions.
Students
 have different situations and circumstances. Some of them are forced to work
while
 they are in their universities or schools. I think the main reason for
this
 would be that they are in financial need and try to earn money by getting part- or full-
time
 employment, so they can depend on themselves and pay for their tuition and expenses.
Therefore
,
this
 would affect their educational results, as they would not have enough
time
 to study for their courses and exams,
in addition
 to putting them under constant pressure. I can recommend some suggestions to solve
this
 problem. First of all, if universities offer scholarships,
students
 would apply for them.
Also
, governments could give financial aid to the
students
 who need it. By doing so,
students
 will be motivated and dedicated to finding
time
 to study well
instead
 of spending
this
time
 working,
therefore
, it will positively affect their grades. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 student’s results and feelings would be negatively affected if they work
while
 studying.
This
 is mainly because of the
time
 lacking for studying. Some solutions that can be suggested to reduce
this
 problem are convincing universities and governments to offer scholarships and financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
, so
students
 can benefit from them.
Submitted by jawdat.lubadeh123 on

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task achievement
The essay comprehensively addresses the task by discussing the causes and suggesting solutions for students working while studying. To improve further, ensure that the solutions provided are more specific and detailed, incorporating real-world examples or case studies where possible.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, ensure there is a better linkage between each paragraph to enhance overall flow. Consider using more transitional phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore' to better connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
While the main points are supported, try to provide more in-depth examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. This can include statistics, studies, or specific anecdotes that illustrate the financial burdens of students and the impact of scholarships or financial aid.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clearly defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The writer addresses both the causes and solutions effectively, ensuring the response is complete and well-rounded.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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