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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
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Music
Use synonyms
 is an art of sounds
that is
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 able to trigger specific feelings or moods in people. It is believed that the main purpose of
music
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 is to help individuals who have a stressful or anxious life.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 craft has a broad variety of uses. In
this
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 essay, I will extensively elaborate on why I consider that it serves humans in many more ways. First of all, concerts and
music
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 festivals bring people closer together to share what makes them happy. Even though listeners are from different backgrounds are still able to enjoy and have to same taste in
music
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 at the same time. When a group has shared interests, it
consequently
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 will make it easier to get
along with
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 each other which eventually overcomes any cultural differences.
For example
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, humans who coincidentally meet at an event would still have fun having the same taste of
music
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.
Moreover
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, scientifically speaking, listening to
music
Use synonyms
 causes a chemical reaction in the brain which will result in the release of endorphins which has a much broader and deeper effect on the human body.
Besides
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 a reduction in stress and anxiety, it will
also
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 be able to impact feelings of love and happiness. Recent studies from the BBC,
for instance
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, show that endorphin release leads to a 60% increase in joyfulness in a person's life.
To conclude
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, as outlined above, I believe that
music
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 is able to serve society in many more ways than just a reduction in stress and anxiety.
Besides
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 coping with those emotions,
Music
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 gathers people no matter where they are from.
Also
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, it will bring more joy to the world. I
therefore
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 disagree with the statement.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Your essay has a logical flow, but can benefit from more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
Aim to completely address all parts of the task. Your response should cover all aspects of the question comprehensively, including arguments for both sides if the question requires. Provide a balanced view with a clear opinion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to clearly convey your ideas. Employ synonyms and less common phrases to demonstrate lexical resource without repeating the same words.
grammatical range and accuracy
To score higher, utilize a variety of complex sentence structures. Your writing shows competence, but to reach a higher band, demonstrate your ability to use complex grammar accurately and flexibly.
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