IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that feeling of competition should be encouraged in children others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

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A few individuals believe that the emotions of rivalry need to be learned by kids
while
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 other parts of society think that rather than developing feelings of fighting, they should learn to become collaborative. In my opinion, both need to be developed by children to be successful in life. At
first,
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today, when your surroundings are full of upcoming opportunities, it becomes necessary for kids to update their attitude toward competition.
In other words
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, to achieve their future plans, they are required to compete with others.
For example
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, in studying ways, children who have a feeling of competition will put more effort into proving themselves to be more smart and eager to acquire top spots.
Hence
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, a sense of competition needs to teach kids to push more closely towards their potential.
On the other hand
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, being a social creature, humans always seek help from others to fulfil their needs and achieve goals, so developing cooperation skills is
also
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 crucial.
Furthermore
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, they will get a chance to understand the different points of view of other age groups. To exemplify when children play team games like football or cricket, they have to share their ideas and strategies to win.
Thus
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,
this
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 will help them to develop skills of caring and sharing.
To sum up
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, both skills, whether being competitive or being cooperative help them to be better people which is ultimately beneficial for society. On one side competitive attitude helps them to achieve their best goal
while
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 by being cooperative, they start sharing their view.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure the introduction effectively paraphrases the question and sets the stage for the ensuing argument; strive for a clear thesis statement that outlines the forthcoming discussion.
Supporting Ideas
Develop body paragraphs fully by presenting clear main ideas, followed by specific examples to support each point. Expand on the examples to clearly illustrate how they relate to the main point.
Logical Structure & Cohesion
Improve structural transitions between ideas within paragraphs and ensure a strong link between the main points across paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
Task Completion
Address all parts of the task by giving an in-depth response to the statement, and ensure your position is clear throughout the essay. Provide a balanced consideration of both perspectives with relevant examples to support your opinion.
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