Some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor, while others argue that it helps to reduce this gap. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The
internet
is a useful tool which has changed the
world
dramatically. There is debate going on about whether
this
development has increased the gap between the rich and poor or not.
This
essay will discuss both these views and give my own opinion on them. The starting cost of the
World
Wide Web is expensive which may not be affordable in some places.
Firstly
, the government needs to build underground tunnels so businesses can establish the network system. For underdeveloped countries,
for example
, Africa, they don't have the capital and resources for that, so even today, their local people still do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Internet
.
As a result
, places whose governments can afford to develop
this
technology, like Britain and the United States, become wealthier
while
poor ones,
for example
, Africa, remain poor which widens the financial gap between them. From my point of view,
this
problem can be solved if there is financial support or subsidy given to these poor societies. Despite the high expenses, the
Internet
brings economic benefits to the
world
. In my opinion, the
internet
has been very helpful in fighting poverty. Since information is easily accessible through the net, the
world
’s citizens can learn new knowledge and skills every day.
For example
, people around the
world
can learn about the new exploration on the moon immediately after NASA posted them on their website. People, especially those from underdeveloped countries, can learn from the good and bad experiences of others and use the lessons they learnt to improve their own lives, living standard, and even their society. In conclusion, if organizations or developed countries can provide financial help to the poor to set up their
internet
network, they will have the ability to fight against poverty on their own.
As a result
, we will have a better
world
where its wealth is evenly distributed.
Submitted by puimei822 on

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coherence and cohesion
The essay could improve its coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main point and that the transitions between ideas are smoother.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to provide a bit more depth in explaining how internet access leads to economic benefits. Exploring specific examples or studies would strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as NASA, helps to illustrate the points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital divide
  • wealth gap
  • accessibility
  • disadvantaged
  • empowerment
  • digital skills
  • online resources
  • financial disparities
  • bridging the gap
  • digital inclusion
  • economic inequality
  • equal opportunities
  • digital divide
  • information age
  • socioeconomic divide
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