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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

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Pursuing your own achievements and wishes above a group vision is a trend we call ‘individualism’, and there is an increase in individuals who start appreciating
this
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 way of living. Whether
this
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 phenomenon is either positive or negative is questionable. I believe,
however
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, that it could have a positive impact on people’s lives.
This
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 essay will extensively outline why
this
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 could be a positive occurrence. First of all, people who have a higher rate of personal achievement are generally more satisfied in life. If individuals are able to prioritize personal interests over communal ones, it will lead to a rise in achievements. Each time someone achieves something, there will be a release of endorphins which will make someone happy.
As a result
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, there will be an improvement in your own mental well-being.
For example
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, recent studies from the BBC show that there is a sharp expansion in happiness if people are prioritizing individual growth.
Moreover
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, it is believed that individuals will be able to be more successful in business if they have priorities in their personal development over the ones of their colleagues.
This
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 could be
due to
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 the fact that they are able to focus on their own goals.
As a result
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,
this
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 person is more likely to have a better performance at work which could lead to a high-ranked position.
For instance
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, if someone’s goal
is
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apply
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to become the new CEO is paramount, he or she will be more focused on working to get a single position compared to being in a team where they depend on someone else's effort.
To conclude
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, not only “individualism” could lead to a more satisfactory life, but
also
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 it could cause humans to have a more successful career.
Therefore
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, I personally believe that a rise in an independent lifestyle could be a positive happening.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear and logical flow throughout, connecting ideas and paragraphs smoothly to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present and mostly clear, try to unify them with a consistent thread that runs through the essay. This will strengthen the reader's grasp of your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed and relevant examples; this will fortify your arguments and make your position more persuasive to the reader.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by providing a balanced view that considers both sides of the argument, even if you lean towards one perspective. This demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to cover the topic in-depth. This involves expanding on examples and exploring consequences or implications which create a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Use a range of specific and relevant examples to back up your arguments. This not only strengthens your case but also shows your ability to provide concrete evidence for your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters
  • innovation
  • autonomy
  • align with
  • excessive
  • social isolation
  • community bonds
  • solely
  • social classes
  • entrepreneurship
  • economic development
  • empathy
  • societal cohesion
  • collective well-being
  • vulnerable
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