IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fast food is becoming part of life everywhere. This phenomenon affects people’s lifestyle and diet.Do you agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #phenomenon #people’s #lifestyle #diet
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It is common that fast
food
Use synonyms
 has become
integral
Change the article
an integral
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 part of
people
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’s lives, and some
people
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 contend that
this
Linking Words
 issue
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 effects on their lifestyle and diet. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, and I will enumerate my reasons below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are several reasons why
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
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 of fast
food
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 affects
people
Use synonyms
’s lives. First and foremost, they can easily obtain meals
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 fast
food
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 through delivery applications, even
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
though
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 they do not cook directly on their own. The consumers can get a variety of fast
food
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, including
hambergers
Correct your spelling
hamburgers
, pizzas and even
chinese
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Chinese
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 cuisine.
Therefore
Linking Words
, those who have hectic
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 tend to count on takeaway or dining out rather than homemade meals. Case in point, in South Korea, there is a strong trend that many young generation conveniently have fast
food
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 for their regular meals. In spite of the positive influence mentioned above, there are
also
Linking Words
 some negative aspects of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. For one thing, it can give rise to a health problem.
This
Linking Words
 is because it offers
briny
Correct article usage
a briny
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 diet, high
level
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levels
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 of cholesterol and excessive sugar content. These factors lead
people
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 to high blood pressure, obesity and diabetes, which are chronic
disease
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diseases
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 to modern
people
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the most serious matter is that children are exposed to these illnesses. In fact, in many countries, especially
such
Linking Words
 as the USA, child
dibetes
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 and obesity have raised a major social problem. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe that increasing
intake
Correct article usage
the intake
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 of fast
food
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 is not connected
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s lives, I firmly agree that it exerts
great
Correct article usage
a great
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on them.
Submitted by moonmond15 on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the essay topic and your stance. Your stance should be evident throughout the essay.
Logical Structure
Make sure to clearly differentiate between paragraphs, and use transition words to connect ideas smoothly.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanation to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Complete Response
Address all parts of the task sufficiently. Make sure to cover why you agree or disagree, and discuss implications in enough depth.
Clear/Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas are clear, but strive to explain how they comprehensively answer the essay question for a stronger impact.
Relevant/Specific Examples
Use more relevant examples to illustrate your points. Specific real-world cases and data can greatly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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