Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

In
this
day and age, some people believe that students should mainly focus on developing their academic performance in order to pass their exams and reach their goals
instead
of other soft
skills
such
as cooking or dressing. From my point of view, I equally agree and disagree with
this
statement and
this
essay will pinpoint my own perspective. On the one hand, it is undeniable that academic knowledge plays a pivotal role in
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
achievements. Specifically, schools are the places that
equipp
Correct your spelling
equip
equips
learners with deep understanding in terms of complex subjects
such
as math, physics,
chemistry
Correct word choice
and chemistry
show examples
. The learners can acquire and accumulate
these knowledge
Change the determiner
this knowledge
show examples
so that they can pass the final exams with prestigious
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
.
Therefore
,
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
seems to be a useful tool that helps youngsters uplift and empower their potential and well-being to enter
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tertiary education with
flying-colours
Correct your spelling
flying colours
show examples
in order that they may easily enhance their talents effectively in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better studying environment.
On the other hand
, many individuals, including me advocate that
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
system, children should be taught
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
soft
skills
which are considered to be entirely essential for them before entering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adulthood. It is because of the fact that, when they go
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
university’s
Change noun form
university
show examples
life and live independently, some basic
skills
such
as how to cook or how to fix
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
items should be done by themselves in order to survive
as well as
save the household’s expenditures.
Additionally
, learning these social
skills
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
also
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
to be the time that young people can relieve their stress and take a rest after a long hectic schedule to have productive days and perform well in their exams. In conclusion, I personally think that both academic performance and practical
skills
have equally positive impact on their lives and teenagers should balance their time between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
of them.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presents an opinion on the issue and outlines arguments for both sides. However, specific examples and detailed explanations that fully develop the arguments are lacking. Aim to include clear and specific examples that support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is adequate, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitions between ideas can be more varied and sophisticated. Improve logical flow by utilizing a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea connecting to the overall argument.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary used is appropriate but lacks variability and precision at times. Work on incorporating a wider lexical resource with more precise vocabulary and synonyms to convey your points more effectively.
grammatical range
There is some variety in sentence structures, but the essay would benefit from more complex and varied grammatical constructions. Avoid repetitive sentence patterns and demonstrate control of complex grammar forms. Check for minor grammatical errors to improve accuracy.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!