IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You have seen a advertisement in an australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and after look after their six year old child. Write a eletterto the parents. In your letter Explain why you would like the Job

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #year #child #eletterto #parents #job
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you about
six
Correct determiner usage
a
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months
Correct your spelling
six-month
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 child babysitter advertisement in an Australian magazine. I am considering that I am the
best
Correct your spelling
most
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 suitable person for
this
 position
due to
 my experiences and abilities. During the mathematics teacher training I received at school, I babysat many children part-time and received serious positive testimonials. During my teacher training, I attended a training specifically on child development under the age of 7 and earned certificates of achievement.
In addition
, since I grew up in a small village with my 6 younger siblings, I always enjoy creating fun games and spending time with people younger than me. I came to Australia 2 years ago to take part in a different education program and worked in a kindergarten. During my 6-month stay, I made many observations about culture and social life. In
this
 context, I must state that I am the most suitable candidate for the job. I think we will have a very fun and enjoyable time with your child if you give us the opportunity. I will be waiting to hear from you. Kind regards, Salih Zeki Köni
Submitted by salihzekikoni on

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task achievement
While you managed to create a clear paragraphing and your greeting and closing were suitably formal, make sure to delve deeper into explaining why you would like the job, focusing on the motivations and personal reasons rather than just qualifications.
task achievement
To improve your score for task achievement, ensure you directly address all parts of the prompt more elaborately. It's important to not only state your qualifications but also how they specifically make you excited about the opportunity to work with the family's child.
coherence cohesion
Your letter is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to enhance coherence, try linking ideas within paragraphs more smoothly using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences.
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