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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of money given to developing countries from five organisations from 2008 to 2011. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the amount of money given to developing countries from five organisations from 2008 to 2011. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words.
#amount #money #countries #five #organisations #report #university #lecturer #information
The above bar graph illustrates donations paid to developing countries from 5 organisations for 4 years.
Overall
, by all 5 managements, there were
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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significant fluctuations in donated
money
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
 the period.
Organisation
 2 donated the most sum of funds within the time period
whereas
,
organisation
 4 gave the least number of cash from 2008 to 2011.
To begin
 with, the highest figure of payment was given by
organisation
Capitalize word
Organisation
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 2 in the year 2011, which was about 2.6
billion
dollars
;
however
, during that same year, institution 5 donated the lowest amount of cash (0.4
billion
dollars
).
On the other hand
, as mentioned above institution 2 donated the most number of
money
 but in 2008,
organisation
 5 donated a similar amount of donation (1.3
billion
dollars
) as
Organisation
 2.
In addition
, 4 organisations donated more than half a
billion
dollars
throughout
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2008,2010
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and 2011, but
in contrast
, only during the year 2009,
organisation
 4 donated
money
 lower than 0.5
billion
.
However
, beginning of the period (2008), the least amount of
money
 was given by
organisation
 1.
Submitted by shazraibrahimphotography2 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, organisation, billion, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • amount of money
  • developing countries
  • organisations
  • from 2008 to 2011
  • given to
  • funding
  • analyze
  • examine
  • discuss
  • evaluate
  • explore
  • highlight
  • summarize
  • trends
  • data
  • chart
  • purpose
  • overview
  • key findings
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