abc def ghi jkl. Other think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

#abc #ghi #jkl #society #people #population

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Many researches show that the number of life expectancy has been rising progressively. Scientists have been trying to improve

this

trend

further

because they argue that

this

is crucial.

Although

there are those who think that having many

elderlies

Replace the word

elderly people

show examples

is a bad thing, I firmly agree with scientists that the positive effect of

this

increase overshadows the

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

. It could be argued that

elderlies

Fix the agreement mistake

the elderly

show examples

are

burden

Add an article

a burden

show examples

. They have no benefit for both families and societies. There are many parties that have an obligation to look after elderlies. The first

party

Correct your spelling

part

show examples

is their family. Their mature children will get a new responsibility to take care of them.

Second,

state

Add an article

the state

show examples

also

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a duty to prepare the social welfare.

Government

Correct article usage

The government

show examples

should not only give

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health

insurances

Fix the agreement mistake

insurance

show examples

but

also

pension

Fix the agreement mistake

pensions

show examples

and

housings

Fix the agreement mistake

housing

show examples

While

some

said

Wrong verb form

say

show examples

that they are

burden

Add an article

a burden

show examples

, I am inclined to believe that they are important assets. By telling the true history,

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

people can teach societies. Their long age has led to their wisdom and

honest

Replace the word

honesty

show examples

because they have been witnessing much more events.

In addition

, elderly individuals still play a significant role in many fields. In domestic life,

grandfather

Fix the agreement mistake

grandfathers

show examples

and

grandmother

Fix the agreement mistake

grandmothers

show examples

can look after their grandchildren whenever their children work. In

political

Add an article

the political

show examples

realm, many prominent politicians are old people,

such

as Joe Biden (USA), Queen Elizabeth (UK), and Anwar Ibrahim (Malaysia). To take everything into account, the trend that shows how these days people are living longer than ever before

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a good effect that

outweight

Correct your spelling

outweigh

outweighs

the drawbacks.

Submitted by wiwinwindiahadi on Fri Nov 17 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay needs to have a clear internal structure with logical paragraphing. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that subsequent sentences develop this idea further. Avoid having disconnected ideas in the same paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, the introduction must more precisely paraphrase the question and clearly outline your position on the issue. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points discussed without introducing new ideas.

coherence cohesion

You have attempted to support your main points, but the support requires further development. Examples provided should be more specific and directly related to the point you're trying to make. Additionally, the examples should be expanded upon to clearly illustrate the argument.

task achievement

Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you have provided a general response to the question, the task asks for an analysis of the extent to which the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It is important to explore both sides of the argument and give a reasoned position.

task achievement

The ideas presented in your response should be clear and comprehensive. Develop your ideas sufficiently and avoid overly generalized statements. Be sure to explain how each idea relates to the question and elaborate on its significance.

task achievement

Use more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. When discussing advantages and disadvantages, provide concrete examples of the benefits and challenges an aging population presents. The examples should be directly tied to the points you make and should be elaborated upon to add depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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abc def ghi jkl. Other think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Technology has caused the death of traditional skills and ways of life. It is pointless to ensure their survival. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

When choosing a job, while some people think that the salary is the most important thing to be taken into consideration, others have a diverse view. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that bicycles are the best mode of transport in the cities while others disagree. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both views and give your opinion.