abc def ghi jkl. Other think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?
Many researches show that the number of life expectancy has been rising progressively. Scientists have been trying to improve
this
trend further
because they argue that this
is crucial. Although
there are those who think that having many elderlies
is a bad thing, I firmly agree with scientists that the positive effect of Replace the word
elderly people
this
increase overshadows the drawback
.
It could be argued that Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
elderlies
are Fix the agreement mistake
the elderly
burden
. They have no benefit for both families and societies. There are many parties that have an obligation to look after elderlies. The first Add an article
a burden
party
is their family. Their mature children will get a new responsibility to take care of them. Correct your spelling
part
Second,
state
Add an article
the state
also
have
a duty to prepare the social welfare. Change the verb form
has
Government
should not only give Correct article usage
The government
the
health Correct article usage
apply
insurances
but Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
also
pension
and Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
housings
.
Fix the agreement mistake
housing
While
some said
that they are Wrong verb form
say
burden
, I am inclined to believe that they are important assets. By telling the true history, Add an article
a burden
aging
people can teach societies. Their long age has led to their wisdom and Change the spelling
ageing
honest
because they have been witnessing much more events. Replace the word
honesty
In addition
, elderly individuals still play a significant role in many fields. In domestic life, grandfather
and Fix the agreement mistake
grandfathers
grandmother
can look after their grandchildren whenever their children work. In Fix the agreement mistake
grandmothers
political
realm, many prominent politicians are old people, Add an article
the political
such
as Joe Biden (USA), Queen Elizabeth (UK), and Anwar Ibrahim (Malaysia).
To take everything into account, the trend that shows how these days people are living longer than ever before have
a good effect that Correct subject-verb agreement
has
outweight
the drawbacks.Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs to have a clear internal structure with logical paragraphing. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that subsequent sentences develop this idea further. Avoid having disconnected ideas in the same paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, the introduction must more precisely paraphrase the question and clearly outline your position on the issue. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points discussed without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have attempted to support your main points, but the support requires further development. Examples provided should be more specific and directly related to the point you're trying to make. Additionally, the examples should be expanded upon to clearly illustrate the argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you have provided a general response to the question, the task asks for an analysis of the extent to which the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It is important to explore both sides of the argument and give a reasoned position.
task achievement
The ideas presented in your response should be clear and comprehensive. Develop your ideas sufficiently and avoid overly generalized statements. Be sure to explain how each idea relates to the question and elaborate on its significance.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. When discussing advantages and disadvantages, provide concrete examples of the benefits and challenges an aging population presents. The examples should be directly tied to the points you make and should be elaborated upon to add depth to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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