Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, with the rising number of criminals, some
people
think it is better to give these criminals access to education and jobs, instead
of putting them into prisons
. I do agree with this
statement because doing so,
means that they are given a Remove the comma
apply
chance
to do good and prepare for their integration with the rest of the community.
To begin
with, it is important to understand that people
who commit a crime still can repent from their mistakes. Therefore
giving them a chance
to prove that they are trying to be better is a logical solution. For instance
, pushing these individuals to have education or training jobs offered is necessary. Research conducted by professionals has shown that a large amount of people
in prison do think about changing their lives, by looking for options that their prisons
offer. Moreover
, in the Netherlands, many prisons
are empty because of the fact that they have more freedom in prisons
to get these opportunities and therefore
more chance
to integrate back into the community. Finally
, research has shown that lately, more and more prisoners are people
between 20 and 40 years old. Due to
this
, it is necessary to give them access to education, job training and more activities to create a positive influence on them.
In conclusion, Giving prisoners and criminals the chance
to prove that they can be better and ready to integrate into the community is a very important aspect that governments should overweight.Submitted by ouazilhakima010 on
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Discuss both the idea of incarcerating criminals and providing them education and job training, including benefits and potential drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen logical structure by organizing your body paragraphs more effectively. Begin with a clear topic sentence and make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea that supports your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Use more signal words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, however, despite) to make transitions between ideas clearer and to show the relationship between them explicitly.
introduction conclusion present
Your thesis statement in the introduction is clear and presents your position on the topic effectively.
relevant specific examples
The essay contains relevant examples, such as the research finding about prisoners' age and the situation in the Netherlands, to support your points.
introduction conclusion present
You have a concluding paragraph that effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces your position.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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