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Band 4.5

Some schools start teaching a foreign language in primary school years. Do the advantages of teaching foreign languages to young children outweigh its disadvantages?

#schools #language #school #years #languages #children
These days, some
children
 in primary schools are taught other
languages
. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
 phenomenon outweigh its disadvantages. Teaching
children
 another
language
 at the age of primary school could lead to confusion in acquiring a native
language
. At
this
 young
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
children
 are still learning or in the process of establishing their
mother-tongue
Correct your spelling
mother tongue
show examples
, and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
children
 who have been taught more than just their native
language
 will be confused
choosing
Change preposition
about choosing
show examples
 their
language
.
Moreover
 teaching young
children
 new
languages
 requires teachers who have
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 in teaching but
also
 know well about
children
's cognitive development. Take Vietnam as an example, in Vietnam
children
 are taught English at primary schools but teachers have no knowledge of the
children
's cognitive development so some
children
 are not able to learn new
languages
 and some are neither fluent in Vietnamese nor English.
However
, the advantages of teaching
children
 foreign
languages
 outweigh the disadvantages. The most noticeable advantage of teaching primary pupils other
languages
 is the attainment of
native
Correct article usage
a native
show examples
 accent. As they are still developing their cognitive ability,
children
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 learn new
languages
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 than adults and their
accent
Fix the agreement mistake
accents
show examples
 could be more native-like as they practice. Another advantage of teaching new
languages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
 as early as primary school is that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 learn new cultures and have a chance to meet more people. As
languages
 are the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 communication,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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learning more
languages
 means that
children
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 communicate with more people
around
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apply
show examples
all over the world.
In addition
, learning new
languages
 could improve
children
’s minds in speaking, listening, reading and even writing skills. To be fluent in
languages
children
 have to improve
language
-related skills and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it could be a benefit for their development. Take listening
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 as an example, when they are studying that skill they develop their willingness to listen to others which could help them to be more empathetic. In conclusion, the benefits of teaching foreign
language
 at primary school outweigh its disadvantages.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. This essay would benefit from better organization and the use of clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened to more effectively bookend the essay. Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction and ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples. While some examples are given, they could be developed further to strengthen your arguments and provide more concrete evidence of the points you're making.
Task Achievement
Ensure you fully respond to all parts of the task. While you have presented both advantages and disadvantages, your essay could better address how these points directly relate to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Task Achievement
Strive for clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. Aim for clarity in expression and make sure that each paragraph clearly supports the overall thesis of the essay.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. While you mention Vietnam as an example, delve more deeply into this case study or include additional examples to more robustly back up your claims. Examples provide the specificity required for a higher score in task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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