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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.

The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.
#children #women #years #australia #year #information
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the table
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the number of
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 were born in
Correct your spelling
Australia
austrailia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 over a period of two and half decade since 1981 after analyzing the table, the
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 from age 40 to 44 who had no
children
Use synonyms
 was 8.5% in 1981
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 rose to 9.7% after four
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 of
interval
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intervals
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. the women with had given birth to
single
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a single
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 child and double were 7.6% and 29% in the year
of
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apply
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1981
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 inclined gradually and reached 8.7% and 35% over a four year period the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 with 3-4 or more
children
Use synonyms
 were much higher approximately to 28%
furthermore
Linking Words
, from 1996 to 2006, the
childlesss
Correct your spelling
childless
 woman ratio went up from 12% to 15%
while
Linking Words
 for one
Use synonyms
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
13 % a decade later.
whereas
Linking Words
 there was no difference in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of two
children
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 and remained there but for three or more
children
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 the percentile
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
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 to its lowest point and
move
Wrong verb form
moved
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 downwardly between 1996 to 2006
overall
Linking Words
, it can be vividly manifested that the women from 40-44 years old had more
children
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 and
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 decreased over time.
Submitted by abdulahad08600 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words children, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fertility rate
  • demographic shift
  • age cohort
  • workforce implications
  • government policy
  • birth rate fluctuations
  • education level
  • career advancement
  • reproductive health
  • family planning
  • socio-economic factors
  • population pyramid
  • life expectancy
  • childbearing age
  • maternity leave
  • contraceptive methods
  • population growth rate
  • average family size
  • maternal health
  • census data
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