IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

“In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common.” Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your

#“in #countries #phone #cellphone #apps #development
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The increasing adoption of mobile phone apps for
payments
 across various nations signifies a significant shift in the way transactions are carried out.
This
 trend has both advantages and disadvantages, but on balance, the benefits appear to be more prominent. One of the primary advantages of mobile
payments
 is convenience.
This
 technology enables consumers to pay for goods and services with a simple tap on their smartphones, negating the need for physical cash or cards.
For example
, apps like Apple Pay and Google Wallet have made the checkout process faster and more streamlined.
Furthermore
, mobile
payments
 tend to be more secure. With features like fingerprint recognition, they add extra layers of security that protect users from fraud. In a world where cyber threats are on the rise,
this
 enhanced safety is a significant advantage.
However
, the rise of mobile
payments
 is not without drawbacks. The dependence on smartphones and internet connectivity can alienate those without access to these technologies, particularly in underprivileged areas.
Moreover
, concerns about privacy and the potential for data breaches are legitimate and must be carefully managed. Another disadvantage includes the susceptibility to technical issues.
While
 rare, glitches or system failures can disrupt the payment process, leading to inconvenience for both consumers and retailers. Despite these challenges, the transition towards mobile
payments
 seems to be a positive development
overall
. The convenience and security provided by
this
 technology offer a compelling argument for its continued growth. Measures to ensure accessibility, privacy, and reliability can mitigate the associated risks, ensuring that
this
 innovation continues to be an asset rather than a liability. In conclusion, the proliferation of mobile
payments
 represents a promising advancement in our digital age.
While
 there are certain disadvantages, the numerous benefits suggest that
this
 trend is likely to continue to flourish, shaping the future of commerce in a way that aligns with our increasingly connected world.
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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear position throughout, which addresses the prompt effectively. However, more depth could have been added to your supporting points. Aim to develop each point further with additional details or specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is adequately logical, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Strive to connect your points more seamlessly by using a wider range of cohesive devices and more varied sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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