IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #topic #aim #science #people’s #lives
In recent times scientists have introduced a lot of new revolutionary technologies, which had a positive impact on people's lives. I agree with the given statement, that
science
 should focus, on how to enhance an individual's daily life. One reason why I stand with
this
 statement,
science
 should have a goal to intensify people's lives rather than revolutionary products.
However
,
science
 has
also
 glorified human life by introducing electronic vehicles.
For example
, the "Tesla vehicle", was launched in 2003, with the mindset of reducing people's expenses on gasoline, but after half
decade
Correct article usage
a decade
show examples
 it was noticed that because of electronic cars, air pollution had a drastic fall through the years,
in addition
,
this
 seemed helped a lot to our government, they started investing on
this
 project to expand more electronic vehicle to make world clean & green. Another reason why I think
this
 statement is true, scientists have launched numerous advanced technologies but the most accomplished and successful proposal was 'Artificial intelligence' (AI). The AI launch shocked the world by its features, which were not offered before on any platform. The AI keeps the ability and capability of problem-solving, for
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, AI can work as a tutor, software engineer, etc. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 AI was capturing the world, schools
also
 started teaching about Artificial intelligence to students to match the advancement of upcoming revolution. In conclusion, I believe
science
 has already put up valuable and quality input on human being life, by rolling off with new technology like Tesla's electronic powered vehicle, AI etc.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on making your main ideas clearer and better connected. Sometimes, the transitions between your points can be more fluid.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported with specific, relevant examples. Some of your examples are good, but they can be expanded for greater clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to refine your introduction and conclusion to clearly reflect the key arguments and bring your points together in a cohesive summary.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance and provides relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the mention of Tesla vehicles and AI.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, with distinct sections for each of your main points. This helps the reader follow your arguments more easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: