IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults who commit crimes. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 modern era, youngsters who commit offences should be punished in similar ways as mature people. I do think that younger criminals should have behaved less strictly than older offenders. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the viewpoint and give relevant ideas about the issue.
To begin
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 with, young adults are less mature compared to adults
this
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 is why they should not be considered
in
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for
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 the same punishments.
Furthermore
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, sometimes they are more susceptible to being afflicted by bad peers or role models.To make an example, many of them may join aggressive gangs,in which they commit a sort of illegal work like; smoking, teasing, hijacking and so on.
Therefore
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, the youth should not be punished the same as the grown man who committed the types of offensive words.
Besides
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, less proper guidance and violations from one's parents can be the main reasons for youngsters becoming criminals.
In addition
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 , nowadays parents are often busy with work so
that
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apply
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they may be involved with some unwanted crimes like stealing something pen,pencil, sharpener and many more.To explain , punishments must be more flexible for children having
such
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 backgrounds.
Thus
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, in
this
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 way, it is significant to consider their circumstance and why they inevitably commit crimes. In conclusion, if youngsters commit crimes, their lack of responsibility and surroundings should be considered when they are handled by authorities, in order to rehabilitate them effectively. I do believe that age should be considered
while
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 punishing because it will help in reducing crime in the society in future.

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and reflect the main aim of the essay. Your conclusion was clear, but the introduction would benefit from a more concise thesis statement that directly addresses the essay prompt.
Supported Points
Remember to delve deeper into each point with more detailed explanations and avoid general statements. Make sure every main point is expanded upon with clear rationale or specific examples.
Specific Examples
Provide specific examples to illustrate the arguments made. Abstract statements need to be substantiated for full task achievement points.
Logical Structure
Aim for a more logical progression of ideas. Transition signals can help improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing coherence.
Complete Response
Address both sides of the argument to fully meet the task requirements. Make sure all aspects of the prompt are covered, including whether you agree or disagree to what extent, and address the reasons behind your view.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Elaborate on your ideas to make them comprehensive. Abstract ideas need concrete development through the essay for a higher score in task response.
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