In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Write at least 250 words
For some citizens of different countries, fatness is accepted as a main
problem
, additionally
, people
think that street food
advertisements
are the major problem
about this
issue and should be forbidden. Nevertheless
, others believe that unhealthy food
advertisements
do not contain any problem
about heaviness and should not be banned. In my opinion, self-awareness is important for everyone's life and people
who are working for street food
advertisements
, or working in restaurants
which sell unhealthy food
just do their jobs, and earn money. And sometimes eating from these restaurants
can be enjoyable for us, but all people
have to balance their diet.
Generally, the main problems of obesity are not doing any exercise and some issues with a balanced diet. Advertisements
are designed to be attractive for
society, Change preposition
to
however
, it doesn't mean that they are making choices about our lives. Every person since their teenagehood has to learn about their body and what is good for them. As well as
,
obesity is a Remove the comma
apply
problem
that can be solved. People
go to the gym, have trainers, and try to keep themselves away from junk food
just because of their bodies and their weight.
In addition
, in fast food
restaurants
, there are plenty of people
who work and make money. If these restaurants
are banned, then
all the staff of restaurants
will quit their jobs or will get fired and it will make thousands of people
unemployed. Also
, all of us enjoy eating a few alternatives to fast food
, and accepting it as a reward after a long diet. Junk food
is also
a cheaper choice among other foods and it's very easy and fast to make. So on, it is the best choice to order junk food
for just one, if anybody doesn't have enough time to prepare a meal or go to the restaurant
All in all, it is very important for citizens to take care of their health, and not blame anyone because of other's physical appearance.Submitted by i.nureddinn on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your viewpoint. Including relevant statistics or real-life case studies could add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer. Ensure that each sentence contributes to the clarity of your main points and avoid overly complex sentence structures.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the essay nicely, and the conclusion successfully wraps up your main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.