Some people think that the teenager’s years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
People
through various moments in life
which bring happiness to theirs. While
some of them believe that they feel happy in their adult stage, I stand with those who argue that the teenage' eras are the years when most people
experience the happiest times in their lives
.
On the one hand, being an adult does not mean people
never feel happy again, but rather they have greater responsibilities to bear with. First of all, most adults
start living their own life
since they have a job, thus
can earn money by themselves. Although
there is happiness and pride regarding success, there are many consequences at the same time
. For example
, they have less leisure time
to hang out with friends
or have a holiday because of their work busy schedule. In addition
, there are cases in which some of the adults
also
have fewer friends
as some of them are busy with their work too. Therefore
, this
can lead to lonely feelings. To illustrate this
, when get off from work like at weekends, some adults
want to catch up with friends
, but sadly their schedules do not match so they have to spend the day alone. Moreover
, the older they are, people
tend to dive into their lives
questioning what is the purpose of their lives
and their actual dreams. It means they see their life
in a more serious way.
On the other hand
, we can say that the young era is the happiest time
of most people
's lives
because of two main factors. To begin
with, the crucial reason why they feel happier in their teenage times is because they are still young which means do not have responsibilities as big as the adults
. Their focus is on school life
and their problems are only around love and friends
. Furthermore
, most of them get off from school in the afternoon so they still have much free time
to explore many things with their friends
. For instance
, having a meal together after school or even going to watch a movie in a cinema. These bounding activities definitely can make them feel happy.
In conclusion, a teenager's life
is more colourful than an adult's. I, therefore
, believe that the happiest times in life
are when we are young.Submitted by mmmuuu on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score in 'Coherence and Cohesion', try to ensure a more clear logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Paragraphs should be clearly separated and ideas within paragraphs should be logically ordered. Transition words ('Furthermore,' 'For example,' 'In addition') can help, but work on varying these and ensuring smoother transitions.
Task Achievement
For 'Task Achievement', make sure to fully address all parts of the task. You've discussed both views and given your opinion, which is great. To enhance this, consider providing a wider range of examples and insights to support your arguments. Also, clearly stating your opinion in the introduction as well as the conclusion can help to make your stance clearer from the beginning.
General
General Advice: Work on your grammatical range and accuracy. While you convey clear ideas, some sentences could be enhanced through better punctuation and varied sentence structures. This not only helps with readability but also shows a higher proficiency in English writing. Try reading widely and practicing complex sentence formations.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.