Some people think that the teenager’s years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
People
through various moments in Use synonyms
life
which bring happiness to theirs. Use synonyms
While
some of them believe that they feel happy in their adult stage, I stand with those who argue that the teenage' eras are the years when most Linking Words
people
experience the happiest times in their Use synonyms
lives
.
On the one hand, being an adult does not mean Use synonyms
people
never feel happy again, but rather they have greater responsibilities to bear with. First of all, most Use synonyms
adults
start living their own Use synonyms
life
since they have a job, Use synonyms
thus
can earn money by themselves. Linking Words
Although
there is happiness and pride regarding success, there are many consequences at the same Linking Words
time
. Use synonyms
For example
, they have less leisure Linking Words
time
to hang out with Use synonyms
friends
or have a holiday because of their work busy schedule. Use synonyms
In addition
, there are cases in which some of the Linking Words
adults
Use synonyms
also
have fewer Linking Words
friends
as some of them are busy with their work too. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
this
can lead to lonely feelings. To illustrate Linking Words
this
, when get off from work like at weekends, some Linking Words
adults
want to catch up with Use synonyms
friends
, but sadly their schedules do not match so they have to spend the day alone. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the older they are, Linking Words
people
tend to dive into their Use synonyms
lives
questioning what is the purpose of their Use synonyms
lives
and their actual dreams. It means they see their Use synonyms
life
in a more serious way.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, we can say that the young era is the happiest Linking Words
time
of most Use synonyms
people
's Use synonyms
lives
because of two main factors. Use synonyms
To begin
with, the crucial reason why they feel happier in their teenage times is because they are still young which means do not have responsibilities as big as the Linking Words
adults
. Their focus is on school Use synonyms
life
and their problems are only around love and Use synonyms
friends
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, most of them get off from school in the afternoon so they still have much free Linking Words
time
to explore many things with their Use synonyms
friends
. Use synonyms
For instance
, having a meal together after school or even going to watch a movie in a cinema. These bounding activities definitely can make them feel happy.
In conclusion, a teenager's Linking Words
life
is more colourful than an adult's. I, Use synonyms
therefore
, believe that the happiest times in Linking Words
life
are when we are young.Use synonyms
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score in 'Coherence and Cohesion', try to ensure a more clear logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Paragraphs should be clearly separated and ideas within paragraphs should be logically ordered. Transition words ('Furthermore,' 'For example,' 'In addition') can help, but work on varying these and ensuring smoother transitions.
Task Achievement
For 'Task Achievement', make sure to fully address all parts of the task. You've discussed both views and given your opinion, which is great. To enhance this, consider providing a wider range of examples and insights to support your arguments. Also, clearly stating your opinion in the introduction as well as the conclusion can help to make your stance clearer from the beginning.
General
General Advice: Work on your grammatical range and accuracy. While you convey clear ideas, some sentences could be enhanced through better punctuation and varied sentence structures. This not only helps with readability but also shows a higher proficiency in English writing. Try reading widely and practicing complex sentence formations.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.