the main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that the purpose of ads is to increase the percentage of good sales without necessarily with residents.
However
, I partly agree with
this
viewpoint so I will shed light on my perspective in the following essay.
To begin
with, ads usually directly hit consumers’ feelings
such
as feelings of desire, wetness, and satisfaction. Since it creates attraction and curiosity about the products.
As a result
, the quantity of sales climbed significantly.
Moreover
, in
this
day and age, various enterprise cooperates with celebrities to advertise their yields so that they can take advantage of the support thought or cheap moment for their idols.
Hence
, revenue will go up sharply.
For example
, in just one picture from idol Jisoo of the girl band Blackpink with her sandals, these ones were sold out even though their slippers were probably still new and in good condition.
On the other hand
, not only are the items unnecessary, but advertising
also
helps essential items raise their purchase proportion. From my perspective, every product
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
better use
advertisement
Change preposition
for advertisement
show examples
to spectacular buyers
due to
advertising manipulates people. It aims to persuade people that buying a product will make them happier.
Besides
that, advertisers use glamorous, successful people, especially,
they
Rephrase
when they
show examples
focus on selling a brand image. In conclusion, advertising increases sales of unneeded consumptions in a variety of ways and to different audiences.
On the contrary
, not only non-useful merchandise but
also
vital wares should make up advertising campaigns because advertising is the most effective and quickest way to enlarge revenue.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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task achievement
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that previews the points you will discuss in your essay. It's important to clearly state your position in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The organization of ideas in your essay needs improvement to enhance logical progression and clarification. Consider using more cohesive devices and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
While you have provided examples, make sure they are fully relevant and help to clearly illustrate the point you are making. Expand on how these examples support the argument and avoid generalizations.
coherence cohesion
Include an explicit conclusion that summarises your main points and restates your overall position clearly. This will strengthen the overall structure and message of your essay.
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