IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #profit #company #profits
The debate about whether young communities bring more income to associations has become a complicated issue. Some individuals support the younger
generation
 in bringing profits,
while
 others are on the side of the older
generation
. In my opinion, The younger
generation
 can keep up with the times and take different risks, but the older
generation
 can
also
 help with their experience and power. On the one hand, the young population have more proficiency in innovations and they are more adaptable to technologies they can use
this
 ability and skills to make a profit for a corporation. To illustrate, Younger generations can increase their solution-
generation
 options by using artificial intelligence.
Furthermore
, it is important to consider taking risks that can lead to excessive harvest. Young communities tend to take risks rather than older society
due to
 the youth's confidence and energy.
On the other hand
, the older
generation
 has several beneficial impacts on a company
such
 as their years of experience and ability of deep industry.
Initially
, the old nations were aware of the changes company and industries
due to
 the development of technology and the world. They can adopt
this
 awareness to make future predictions.
In addition
, They can increase the interest rates of the group because they are wise that they can use for decision-making and strategy development. From my perspective, associations should pay attention to balancing the enthusiasm and innovation of youth with the wisdom and experience of age, thereby maximizing profits. Both age groups have their own advantages, and these advantages are critical to the community's profits.
Submitted by utkankorkmaz on

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examples
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is fully fleshed out with concrete examples. Aim to provide real-world scenarios or case studies to lend weight to your arguments.
structure
Be mindful of paragraph structure; each should begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanation or support, and close with a concluding sentence that ties back to the essay's main theme.
tone
Maintaining a neutral and formal tone is crucial throughout the essay, avoiding colloquial language and ensuring that the essay remains focused on the topic at hand.
linking words
Use a range of linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs, ensuring that the essay flows logically from one point to the next without abrupt transitions.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction should clearly set the scene for the discussion and your conclusion should confidently state your opinion, leaving the examiner with a clear understanding of your stance on the topic.
task response
Directly address all parts of the task in a balanced manner and substantiate your opinions with a clear rationale and supportive evidence where appropriate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adaptable
  • Innovations
  • Breakthroughs
  • Deep industry knowledge
  • Mentors
  • Fostering
  • Workforce balance
  • Maximizing profits
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
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