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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think that is the reason for this? What are the consequences for the people around them.

#people #reason #consequences
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A modern person's sleep hours are currently fewer than ever before. In my opinion, the only reason for insomnia is the enormous amount of time people spend on useless activities
such
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 as excessive use of social media at
night
Use synonyms
. It is extremely dangerous for their mental health because they do not relax properly and since they become more stressed, other individuals surrounding them are less prone to communicating with them. Those who neglect their sleep tend to be more anxious because they do not allow their body to refresh. Melatonin, the hormone of sleep, usually provides the human body with a desire to fall asleep.
This
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 hormone is produced at
night
Use synonyms
 and lack of light serves as an indicator of the need to create the hormone.
However
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, nowadays society is overusing social media and mobile phones , especially at
night
Use synonyms
 time,
thus
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 it blocks the mechanism that understands whether it is
night
Use synonyms
 now. The community has become addicted to
this
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 lifestyle, and
although
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 they comprehend the harm of it, they still live
this
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 way.
This
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 bad habit forces the body to work and exist after a low-quality nap
consequently
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 more stress and anxiety occur. Human beings who are in shortage of a proper rest can be detected easily, they are usually clumsy, lazy, and rude. When somebody interacts with
such
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 a person, it is a tremendously unpleasant experience because he or she acts with inappropriate manners.
Therefore
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, it leads to others' willingness to avoid these sleepy creatures and communicate with them less.
This
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 happens because nobody wants to be insulted even if other individuals understand that
this
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 worker or lecturer is rude because he has not slept enough. In conclusion, social networks have become utterly influential on the quality of naps making people more anxious. Correspondingly, human beings who are experiencing a lack of relaxation act rudely making other participants of an interaction avoid them.
Submitted by akylov.a on

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relevant specific examples
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points about the effects of social media on sleep and its broader consequences.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure all ideas are developed clearly and comprehensively, elaborating more on the underlying mechanisms of how social media reduces sleep, for instance.
complete response
The essay addresses the question effectively, discussing both reasons and consequences of reduced sleep in modern times.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the discussion.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is well-organized, with points generally following a coherent progression.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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