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Band 6

Scholarships are a great opportunity to gain the study you like. What are the main advantages or disadvantages of studying abroad?

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Education is the most important to developing
countries
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, especially for
study
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 abroad.
However
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,
study
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 abroad can be helpful in giving more insight to
students
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. In
this
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 essay, I totally agree with the statement about the opportunity to get a scholarship for gaining the course you are interested in. Meanwhile,
scholarships
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 have advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion,
scholarships
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 have a lot of advantages, one of them, is will giving a chance to student for applied
study
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 abroad.
Besides
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 that,
scholarships
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also
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 have disadvantages.
For example
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, some awardees want not to come back again to their
countries
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. On the one hand,
scholarships
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 to
study
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 abroad can offer some great benefits.
Firstly
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, some people have an opportunity to
study
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 postgraduate because the cost is very expensive. In fact, one foreign student can reach 35 million dollars in tuition fees. So,
scholarships
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 can open chances for some
students
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, especially for
students
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 who want to
study
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 abroad.
Secondly
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,
scholarships
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 to
study
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 abroad have a self-development. To illustrate, some
scholarships
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 give preparation to build a character
such
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 as leadership skills, public speaking, and time management.
Therefore
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, the availability of
scholarships
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 can have some impact on human resources in developing
countries
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.
On the other hand
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, scholarship providers have a challenge.
Firstly
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, some
students
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 want to stay in other
countries
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. Because the salaries in some
countries
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 are more expensive than in original
countries
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, some
students
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 can not commit to coming back to their
countries
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.
Furthermore
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, the awardees find it more interesting to stay in other
countries
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 because sometimes in other
countries
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 can give a lot of experience.
For instance
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, careers, partners, and the wheater's very comfortable are too much too challenging for the government,
thus
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 potentially they are going to other
countries
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.
To conclude
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, the gain
scholarships
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 are the most important for studying abroad because it is can be helpful in the finance sector.
Besides
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 that, the government should
preparation
Replace the word
prepare
show examples
 for awardees to give more affection.

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task achievement
Ensure you fully address the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages equally and ensuring your opinion is clear.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas by expanding on points with further explanation and detailed examples.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your main points. Examples help to concretize and give credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Create a clear logical structure with well-connected ideas, using appropriate linking words and phrases to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your essay, stating your position and summarizing main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with sufficient evidence, relevant details, and examples that are connected to the topic.
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