Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with
In today’s society, many argue that
education
curriculum should be altered by adding more entertainment facilities, Correct article usage
the education
while
others claim that it is compulsory to give first priority
merely on Add a hyphen
first-priority
education
. However
, in my opinion, I strongly believe that schools must be provided a better environment with not only subjects but also
to develop mental well-being and essential life skills of all pupils.
On the one hand, it is obviously certain that offering a great deal of attention for
Change preposition
to
learning
syllabus may Correct article usage
the learning
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
for
all students since they may acquire the highest scores of relevant streams. Change preposition
apply
Thus
, they may feel sense
of accomplishment and great satisfaction of themselves. To be precise, if they do not Add an article
a sense
fully-attend
Correct your spelling
fully attend
for
their studies, they Change preposition
to
would
not be able to obtain Wrong verb form
will
desired
achievements, which might affect Correct pronoun usage
their desired
to
Change preposition
apply
the
future goals. Another cogent reason is that they are well-performed Change the word
their
in
Change preposition
on
academic
basis, undoubtedly, it would be a great opportunity to achieve career prospects, even Correct article usage
an academic
in
overseas. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, in many multinational organizations, the
employers recruit their employees based on only academic qualifications. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, most individuals tend to learn only subject materials.
On the other hand
, there are quite significant arguments that educators should promote the children for entertaining field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
Rephrase
apply
also
, not just only
for subject materials. The one major reason behind Rephrase
apply
this
is that these activities may help to navigate their lifelong skills such
as developing sense
of Add an article
a sense
responsibilities
, leadership, self-reliance, resilience and fostering mutual Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
relationship
. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
For example
, school extra-curricular activities such
as sports events, art competition
and singing Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
contest
, definitely will help to shape their characters in a positive way, acquiring Fix the agreement mistake
contests
above
qualities. Correct article usage
the above
Moreover
, these entertainment programs are far more beneficial to strengthen their mental well-being, reducing the stressful environment, which they often live with, when it comes to exams. This
, in turn, provides an interesting and more enjoyable learning process throughout their academic lives.
In conclusion, although
some folks opine that the children must receive only education
period from school time, I would argue that it is better for students may receive both Correct article usage
an education
education
and enjoyable learning events, which help them to navigate their lives with commitment.Submitted by adpremadasa82 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure but can be further improved by enhancing paragraph transitions and varying sentence structures to better guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present which is commendable; however, the conclusion could be strengthened by succinctly summarizing the main points before stating the final opinion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported by explanations and examples, but the writer should aim to integrate more varied and detailed supporting evidence, which could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response fulfils the task only to a moderate extent. To ensure a complete response, it is essential to directly address the prompt throughout the essay without diverting attention to less relevant areas.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are evident throughout the essay. To improve, consider exploring each viewpoint more deeply to fully demonstrate understanding and engagement with the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used to support the argument which is good practice. To enhance the essay, the writer should consider providing more specific scenarios or real-life evidence to substantiate their claims.