Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialize with work collogues during evening and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Although
some people
think that meeting their coworkers in their leisure time is worth doing, other people
believe that professional and social life should be placed in an individual way. In my opinion, I consider that socializing helps people
learn the most critical work-related skills for their future life.
On the one hand, some people
think that individuals who socialize frequently with their colleagues do better in their organization and I agree. In other words
, the association between employees motivates them to excel in their troubleshooting capabilities or gain more knowledge consequently
the company or organization's economy increases. For example
, doing these activities also
leads you to get a higher promotion in your workplace. Furthermore
, mingling with others also
makes you more mature which you quite need when you become a complete adult.
On the other hand
, it is often believed that it is better if the working life discourages to socialize with each other’s. Most organization's
or industries' productivity depends on time management, as unsocializing Change noun form
organisations'
at
the Change preposition
apply
workforces
obviously Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
effect
their efficiency so that the economy increases in Verb problem
affects
well
advance. Correct word choice
apply
Further
not socializing minimizes the distraction of the work and reduces negative opinions among employees which would result
positive attitude during working hours.
In conclusion, Add the preposition
result in
result from
while
people
may vary in their opinions, I think that people
stand a better chance to succeed in their personal and professional lives if they are encouraged to socialize with others.Submitted by ykrishna2010 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay reflects an average attempt at maintaining coherence and cohesion. Logical structures could be enhanced by establishing clearer connections between your ideas. Pay attention to the flow of your argument and ensure that each paragraph gracefully leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
The use of introduction and conclusion is present, which is good. However, these need to be more distinctive and explicitly reflect the aim of the essay, encapsulating the discussion points and your opinion more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but the arguments could be stronger with more relevant details and specific examples that are directly related to the topic. General statements should be avoided in favor of specific, illustrative instances.
task achievement
A clear response to the task is somewhat evident, but certain parts are underdeveloped. Expand on your ideas more thoroughly to ensure that the response comprehensively addresses all parts of the prompt.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear but lack depth. Aim for comprehensive development of ideas with detailed explanations and analysis. Avoid superficial handling of the topic by exploring the implications and nuances of your arguments.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is limited. Strengthen your essay by incorporating examples that clearly support your points and relate directly to the topic, demonstrating a deeper understanding and application of the concepts discussed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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