Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, governments should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #quality #governments #money #projects

Many citizens hold the view that it is wasteful for the government to invest money in artistic projects as it does not develop the people’s living. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with

this

perspective for two reasons.

Firstly

, I believe that painting and

music

can improve the quality of people.

This

is because art and

music

are

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

part of life,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

brings

Correct subject-verb agreement

bring

show examples

joy to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and

makes

Correct subject-verb agreement

make

show examples

the community more colorful.

For example

music

festivals can connect people by singing and dancing together, they can help entertain them after a long

day

Change noun form

day's

show examples

work and relieve

stresses

Fix the agreement mistake

stress

show examples

Furthermore

, students can understand

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

historical events by visiting

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

art exhibitions, they can

also

learn about the artists

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

painted

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

and their unique

art-styles

Correct your spelling

art styles

show examples

Secondly

, governments should invest money in artistic projects. By doing it, they can give jobs

for

Change preposition

show examples

those who

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

interest

Add an article

an interest

show examples

artistic

Add an article

the artistic

an artistic

show examples

field, so they can make a great contribution to culture and tourism.

For instance

, the country will have more income by having foreign visitors, it will be well-known for its national cultural identity and become more

prosperious

Correct your spelling

prosperous

day by day.

To sum up

, it is the right thing for the government to spend money on art and

music

for a better living standard, so they can develop the tourism field and avoid bringing boredom to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

Submitted by weezel on Sun Nov 19 2023

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coherence cohesion

To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, focus on linking your ideas more clearly throughout the essay. Use a wider range of linking words, and check that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.

task achievement

For task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Expand on your ideas to demonstrate a deeper analysis of the topic, and provide more diverse examples to support your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

224 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, governments should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

Some people feel that learning a foreign languageis an essential component of a child's education. Others feel that learning a foreign language is often a waste of time that can be better spent on learning technologyand other vocational subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays more and more museums and art galleries around the world are putting their material contents online. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?