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Band 6

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
It is generally believed that young
people
 should be required to do unpaid community work in their spare time because
this
 is helpful for both teenagers and the community. I completely agree that the young should participate in voluntary work
due to
 the benefits for them and the public. First of all, young
audults
Correct your spelling
adults
 have a chance to learn useful life skills and understand more about their culture, which is not taught at school, by becoming volunteers.
Since many
Correct word choice
Many
show examples
 voluntary organizations have an activity that lets the young stay with local
people
 for a few weeks to learn and experience life from them.
Moreover
, by meeting several
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of
people
, the youth could improve communication skills and have good behaviour toward everyone.
As a result
, these useful skills help them get more opportunities and be successful in their careers.
Lastly
, volunteers could bring beneficial changes to their society.
For example
, they would clean the streets and the polluted rivers, which not only improves the
neighborhood's
Change the spelling
neighbourhood's
show examples
 atmosphere but
also
 has a positive effect on the environment.
In addition
, they could help the poor by preparing meals for them or help the ethnic groups by teaching them how to use technological equipment in production effectively.
This
 would give these
people
 the opportunity and motivation to develop their lives.
Consequently
, these meaningful activities could enrich the development of their country and help the government save money, which might be used for more necessary projects as well. To summarise, I totally agree that teenagers should be encouraged to do
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 work because it helps young
people
 learn more about reality and brings benefits to both the community and the development of the country.
Submitted by dnquynhtram23 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that both your introduction and conclusion are clear and aligned with each other, summarizing the key points of your argument definitively. While your essay generally follows a logical sequence, there are places where the transition between ideas could be smoother and more explicit. Aim for a natural flow that guides the reader effortlessly from one point to the next.
task achievement
Your essay addressed the topic quite comprehensively and presented a clear stance, which was maintained throughout the essay. However, to improve task achievement, ensure that your examples are detailed and directly linked to the argument you are making. Each paragraph should succinctly encapsulate a unique point that contributes to your overall position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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