In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
In some cultures,
children
are often given the message
that as long as they work
hard enough, they can accomplish anything. I believe sending them this
message
may increase their chances of success in life
and also
help them grow as a person. The main downsides
may be that it can deprive them of a happy childhood and even make them doubt themselves.
On the positive side, the Fix the agreement mistake
downside
message
in question may help increase children
’s odds of success in life
. It can make them believe in their talents and abilities. Such
self-assurance can motivate them to work
hard to move toward their goal. They may also
experience personal growth in the process. When they commit to a goal, they learn to become, for example
, more accountable and resourceful in order to make it a reality. Abilities like these can be valuable in their personal as well as
their future professional lives.
On the negative side, telling children
they can realize any of their dreams through hard work
may prevent them from enjoying their childhood. They may devote all their free time to pursuing their goal, leaving little time to have fun with their peers. The message
may also
lead to self-doubt. Children
are too young to be mentally strong enough to face big failures in life
. The fact that they fail despite all the hard work
may lead them to doubt their ability and intelligence.
In conclusion, telling children
anything is achievable if they put in enough effort may raise their odds of success in life
and also
help in their personal growth. However
, it may also
come with the disadvantages of causing self-doubt and keeping them from having a happy childhood.Submitted by intanannisa.ia on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear, logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. This essay demonstrates some organization but can benefit from more explicit linking between points and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce and summarize the essay with clear and distinct introductory and concluding paragraphs; this aspect is well managed. However, expanding the conclusion to reflect on the implications of the stated advantages and disadvantages can add depth.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more developed examples and ensure these examples are varied and fully elaborated to support the argument effectively. The essay provides general support, but there is room to enrich it with more detailed illustrations.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that both advantages and disadvantages are explored fully. This essay covers both sides, but it can benefit from a more balanced treatment by dedicating equal space and development to each.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive, but aim to explore the complexities of the topic more deeply. By doing so, you will provide a more nuanced and thorough discussion which will enhance the overall essay's effectiveness.
Task Achievement
Include specific, real-world examples to anchor your discussion and provide concrete evidence for your points. While the essay offers relevant examples, they are somewhat generic. More specific instances would improve the argument's effectiveness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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