Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, using smartphones is an inseparable part of our lives, particularly for children. Some of them spend hours daily on their digital gadgets. I believe
this
can be a positive development if there are some restrictions and proper training.
The family environment is one of the first reasons for this
phenomenon. More working parents and fewer family moments make children spend more hours alone, so they fill their time with their smartphones. Instead
of gathering together or playing outdoors with peers, they communicate with each other online. Moreover
, homework and school projects could be another reason why young ages individuals spend their time using digital gadgets. Today, online data such
as e-books, learning applications, educational websites, etc… are very popular among them. However
, the correct method of using the Internet should be taught in schools.
On the other hand
, tech companies invest greatly in the gaming industry. High graphic designs and attractive visual effects fascinate children to play these games regularly . Although
some of them are practical for young ages people, they can teach them many things such
as colour diagnosing, basic mathematics, focus and concentration, dictation, etc… . But these hours that are spent should be limited and monitored by parents. Spending too much time playing games or surfing the Internet without control would affect badly on both their bodies and minds. Inactivity and increasing violence are two examples of these effects.
In conclusion, I think this
happening has both positive and negative effects, but it can turn into a positive development if it is taught and controlled by parents and teachers simultaneously.Submitted by sahebe.jalali on
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coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains logical structure, there is room for improvement. Aim to create stronger links between ideas by using more transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph smoothly connects to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, indicating an understanding of the essay structure. To further enhance your writing, make sure each element restates the task question and provides a summary of your main points, with a concluding opinion that reflects the content discussed.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but a greater variety of supporting details and a more equal distribution of commentary across the points could strengthen the argument. Try to provide a more balanced view with clear examples that reinforce your position on each point.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, but to obtain a higher score, ensure that you cover all aspects of the task more fully. It's essential that the response provide a balanced discussion on both the positive and negative developments, with a clear position throughout.
task achievement
The essay's ideas are clear and mostly comprehensive. For improvement, focus on adding depth to the ideas presented, ensuring that they are thoroughly examined and that their relevancy to the topic is indisputable.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used, yet to elevate your score, integrate more specific evidence or real-world examples that emphatically support your claims. Examples should be clearly linked to the points made and work to illustrate your arguments effectively.
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