Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and practice them with basic assistance, such as food and housing.To what extend do you agree or disagree?
The opinion is divided regarding whether developed and resource-rich
nations
should provide basic resources such
as food and shelter for asylum seekers. Some believe that assisting refugees
is the moral and ethical responsibility of such
countries while
others say such
a move will drain the host countries' resources. From my point of view, I do not think there is any obligation for such
nations
to help people
coming from underdeveloped parts of the world.
Firstly
, nations
that accept refugees
out of deep compassion are usually hit with an increase in violent crimes including rapes, murder, and robbery. This
results from differences in cultures, lack of integration into the host nation, and a disproportionate number of asylum seekers with criminal records.
Secondly
, there is a lack of international collaboration and burden-sharing in the refugee crisis, resulting in very few nations
taking the majority of the refugees
. The finance and the manpower needed for these nations
to overcome the crisis have become so high that they need to divert funds from their welfare programs meant for their citizens namely healthcare, education, and care of the elderly. This
has resulted in resentment from different corners of the society.
Finally
, if a significant number of refugees
enter a nation they in turn can change the traditional social, cultural, religious, and sometimes even the political environment of a nation. This
can be disturbing for the native people
of these countries.
To conclude
, even though there is a moral responsibility for developed nations
to protect and give asylum to people
coming from developing and war-affected nations
, this
should not be an obligation, but rather a choice, where nations
help such
people
own their accord without causing much of a disruption to its people
.Submitted by sreeram.warrier.venugopal on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical flow, as some points are not sufficiently developed or transitioned smoothly. Introduce your ideas in a systematic order, ensuring each paragraph logically follows the previous one.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion which is good. However, ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your main points and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
The main points you introduce should be supported with clear and specific examples. Generic or vague statements without factual or anecdotal support weaken your arguments.
task achievement
Your response addresses the topic, but it fails to fully develop a clear position throughout the essay. Ensure that you are providing a more rounded argument considering different perspectives where possible.
task achievement
While you have attempted to present clear ideas, some are broad or not fully explained. Strive to clarify your ideas with more precision and depth for better comprehension.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is critical in supporting your claims and increasing the persuasiveness of your essay. Include relevant and concrete examples to back up each point you make.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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