With the appearance of electronic devices such as computers and televisions, residents actually work out less which has negative effects on their health. Do you agree or disagree?
With the appearance of new electronic apparatus
such
as computers and television, residents work out less physical exercise, and this
is hurting their energy. Most society will think like that but to me, I disagree with this
option.
Electronic furnishings have the potential to benefit that we don’t know how to use right away. First,
electronic material provides the exercises in the YouTube context. We don’t have to pay money for gym centers
or go outside, we can work out at home via video instructions for exercising at home. Change the spelling
centres
Second,
this
equipment not only helps us with our physical energy but also
helps us achieve good mental energy. For instance
, after exercising we can rest by watching a video or researching information about a balanced diet or sleeping well because good physical fitness not only works out regularly, it also
includes diet and enough sleep.
In my opinion, not only electronic furniture has a bad effect. Some aspects hurt the community’s well-being and there are two of them that have the worst effects on the crowd’s fitness. The worst thing that we can see is unhealthy food and sugar. Fast food can lead to calorie-dense, and nutrient-poor diets, and especially with the fat of junk food and sugary desserts nations are often susceptible to obesity if they eat too much. Second,
automobiles, with the increase of transport, means that there is more carbon dioxide and methane released into the air. These gases are very harmful to the public's strength because they can lead to diseases such
as tuberculosis or lung cancer. In addition
, the increase in cars makes all nations rely on cars reduces physical activity, and increases exposure to harmful pollutants.
To sum up
, not only electronic machinery but some aspects also
hurt our well-being. But that doesn't mean we subjectively use equipment excessively. The importance is that we know how to use those devices the right way and take advantage of the benefits they bring to service our lives.Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
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task achievement
The essay should have a clear introduction, stating your position clearly in relation to the question asked. Then, body paragraphs should develop your argument with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Finally, a conclusion should summarise your points and restate your position, providing a clear end to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay needs improvement. You require clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to orient the reader. Ensure that each paragraph expands on a single main idea and use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your argument sometimes strays from the initial question about electronic devices' impact on physical health. Your response should consistently focus on this topic. It's good to bring in outside knowledge, but make sure the information contributes directly to the point you are trying to make. More concrete examples showing the direct impact of electronic devices on physical health are needed.