IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all information can be seen on TV and the Internet. Discuss both views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Learning about other nations should be more contextual by paying a direct visit to a site.
Linking Words
While critics
Correct word choice
Critics
show examples
 argue that it is not an imperative manner, as all
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 is broadly available on electronic media. Considering the quality of
information
Use synonyms
 from firsthand visits, I believe that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 across borders is valuable. Experiencing firsthand travel provides a plethora of sensations related to
information
Use synonyms
 acquisition. In simple terms,
this
Linking Words
 type of journey offers tremendous and extraordinary value, enhancing tourists' understanding of multicultural sites deeply and comprehensively. Aldi Journal Research,
for instance
Linking Words
, reports that up to two-thirds of holidaymakers in Indonesia develop a solid historical understanding of Borobudur, one of the oldest Buddhist temples, through direct
field-trip
Correct your spelling
field trips
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, engaging in on-the-spot communication with local residents gives them an opportunity to cultivate a tolerant mindset and a greater appreciation for diversity. Thanks to technology, we can now embark on virtual journeys with just a click on our screens, accessing popular places through computer-based travel. Innovations
such
Linking Words
 as augmented reality and virtual tours enable us to observe destinations as if we were physically present.
Consequently
Linking Words
, some critics argue that there's no need to physically visit a place abroad to gather
information
Use synonyms
. They contend that individuals seeking insights into other cultures can simply surf the internet, exploring cultural heritage-related
information
Use synonyms
 through YouTube videos or by reading websites without unnecessarily spending their money. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 cutting-edge technology has advanced to the point where we can experience field trips without physically going abroad, there remains an intangible sense that cannot be fully fulfilled.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending a substantial budget on travel is still deemed acceptable and worthwhile

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are logically connected and follow a clear progression of ideas. Transitional phrases can be used more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with more specific examples and evidence. While examples from 'Aldi Journal Research' and general assertions were provided, further elaboration on these examples and the inclusion of additional detailed evidence could strengthen the essay's cohesion and coherence.
task achievement
Although the essay provides an answer to the prompt, the response could be more fully developed. Ensure that the topic is thoroughly addressed by discussing both views in equal measure and providing a more balanced argument before concluding with your own opinion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your reasoning. This will help provide a clearer and more comprehensive demonstration of ideas, leading to a more compelling argument and a higher task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher coherence and cohesion score, consider enhancing the logical structure of the essay by using clear topic sentences and developing paragraphs that focus on single ideas, thus making the overall argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are fully developed to frame the essay. While both an introduction and conclusion are present, work on clearly stating your thesis in the introduction and summarizing the main arguments in the conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • interactions
  • virtual means
  • cultural nuances
  • language acquisition
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • sustainability
  • virtual tours
  • documentaries
  • sophisticated
  • realistic representations
  • comprehensive understanding
  • financial status
  • carbon footprint
  • digital resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: