Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome culture difference. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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While
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a group of
people
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claim that aligning with local
traditions
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and practices should be mandatory for tourists
throughour
Correct your spelling
throughout
through our

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their accommodation, certain individuals contend the notion that visited
countries
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should be tolerant of new cultures, enabling multiculturalism to exist amongst traditional values. I firmly hold the view that in
this
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era, impeding
countries
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from diversifying their
traditions
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a futile effort,
thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they should show tolerance for visitors to express their own values.
To begin
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with, many
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

anticipate
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers

The spelling of travelers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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visiting their country to show respect to their customs, even
so
Add the comma(s)
so,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter even so. Consider adding the comma(s).

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to adopt local behaviours by
relinguishing
Correct your spelling
relinquishing

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their own.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
countries
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

like France, Germany, and Switzerland do not accept
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

travelling through their
countries
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to disrespect their
traditions
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and display incompetent behaviours in public.
Furthermore
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, a heavy price awaits the ones who
shows
Change the verb form
show

The verb shows does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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willingness to infringe upon
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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traditional customs
such
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as speaking
outloud
Correct your spelling
out loud

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in public or disregarding
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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ethical behaviours.
For instance
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, in Arabic
countries
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

it is prohibited for men to shake
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands

It seems that hand may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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with women,
therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, tourists should
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

recede themselves
Verb problem
refrain

There may be a verb use issue here.

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from doing the opposite. On the one hand, a few
countries
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with
a rich cultural norms
Correct the article-noun agreement
rich cultural norms
a rich cultural norm

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun norms in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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provide an environment of freedom and tolerance for newcomers to blend in with others with unique
traditions
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Canada is
also
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known as
Correct article usage
a melting-pot
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melting-pot
Correct your spelling
melting pot

The word melting-pot doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of cultures,
has
Correct word choice
and has

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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the best background for multiculturalism to uphold and surge in every direction possible. Owing to Canada's open
mindness
Correct your spelling
mindedness
minded

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, both locals and visitors enrich their experiences and disparities,
thus
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laying the foundation of a more inclusive and
tolerat
Correct your spelling
tolerant

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global community. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

there are differences in
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's cultures and manners, fostering a culture of coexisting values can contribute to a more harmonious world.

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supported main points
Make sure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea that is developed and expanded with specific details. While some of your points are supported, there's room to further deepen the expansion of each view with more specific examples.
logical structure
Work on creating clearer topic sentences that will guide the reader to each new idea. This will help in structuring your essay in a way that makes it easier to follow and understand.
introduction conclusion present
While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, ensure each also includes a stronger thesis and concluding statement to summarize your stance more clearly.
complete response
Although you have addressed the task, make sure that you answer all parts of the question evenly. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay demonstrates a volume of clear, comprehensive ideas. To improve, provide a linear progression of thoughts by connecting them to a consistent central argument throughout the essay.
relevant specific examples
You have utilized relevant specific examples which are good for argument development. Integrate these examples more seamlessly into your narrative and ensure they directly support your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural clashes
  • enhance the experience
  • smoother interactions
  • sign of respect
  • appreciation for the host culture
  • impractical
  • multicultural societies
  • cultural exchange
  • global understanding
  • tolerance
  • fostering openness
  • diversity
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