IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome culture difference. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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While
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 a group of
people
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 claim that aligning with local
traditions
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 and practices should be mandatory for tourists
throughour
Correct your spelling
throughout
through our
 their accommodation, certain individuals contend the notion that visited
countries
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 should be tolerant of new cultures, enabling multiculturalism to exist amongst traditional values. I firmly hold the view that in
this
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 era, impeding
countries
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 from diversifying their
traditions
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 is a futile effort,
thus
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 they should show tolerance for visitors to express their own values.
To begin
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 with, many
people
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 anticipate
travelers
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travellers
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 visiting their country to show respect to their customs, even
so
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so,
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 to adopt local behaviours by
relinguishing
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relinquishing
 their own.
For example
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,
countries
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 like France, Germany, and Switzerland do not accept
people
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 travelling through their
countries
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 to disrespect their
traditions
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 and display incompetent behaviours in public.
Furthermore
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, a heavy price awaits the ones who
shows
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show
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 willingness to infringe upon
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional customs
such
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 as speaking
outloud
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out loud
 in public or disregarding
the
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apply
show examples
ethical behaviours.
For instance
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, in Arabic
countries
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 it is prohibited for men to shake
hand
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hands
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 with women,
therefore
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, tourists should
also
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recede themselves
Verb problem
refrain
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 from doing the opposite. On the one hand, a few
countries
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 with
a rich cultural norms
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rich cultural norms
a rich cultural norm
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 provide an environment of freedom and tolerance for newcomers to blend in with others with unique
traditions
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. Canada is
also
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 known as
Correct article usage
a melting-pot
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melting-pot
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melting pot
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 of cultures,
has
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and has
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 the best background for multiculturalism to uphold and surge in every direction possible. Owing to Canada's open
mindness
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mindedness
minded
, both locals and visitors enrich their experiences and disparities,
thus
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 laying the foundation of a more inclusive and
tolerat
Correct your spelling
tolerant
 global community. In conclusion,
although
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 there are differences in
people
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's cultures and manners, fostering a culture of coexisting values can contribute to a more harmonious world.

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supported main points
Make sure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea that is developed and expanded with specific details. While some of your points are supported, there's room to further deepen the expansion of each view with more specific examples.
logical structure
Work on creating clearer topic sentences that will guide the reader to each new idea. This will help in structuring your essay in a way that makes it easier to follow and understand.
introduction conclusion present
While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, ensure each also includes a stronger thesis and concluding statement to summarize your stance more clearly.
complete response
Although you have addressed the task, make sure that you answer all parts of the question evenly. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay demonstrates a volume of clear, comprehensive ideas. To improve, provide a linear progression of thoughts by connecting them to a consistent central argument throughout the essay.
relevant specific examples
You have utilized relevant specific examples which are good for argument development. Integrate these examples more seamlessly into your narrative and ensure they directly support your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural clashes
  • enhance the experience
  • smoother interactions
  • sign of respect
  • appreciation for the host culture
  • impractical
  • multicultural societies
  • cultural exchange
  • global understanding
  • tolerance
  • fostering openness
  • diversity
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