In many countries, many children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people believe that the government has the responsibility to deal with it. Do you agree or disagree?
In light of the alarming trend in obesity and diseases in children around the world, individuals propose that governments should assume the responsibility to address
this
issue. I largely agree with them given their unique legal and financial power even though parents should also
contribute to the effort to an extent.
The first rationale for my agreement to hold lawmakers responsible is that they are the only ones who have the constitutional authority to issue legislation that can directly mitigate children’s
health
problems. For instance
, a complete prohibition of fast food in school areas enacted by the Vietnamese government has forced many fattening dishes such
as fried chicken wings to be withdrawn from school menus, contributing to a remarkable decline in obesity in some areas.
Another argument for why I agree that governmental bodies should deal with children’s
health
concerns is their incomparable financial resources. Their budget is generated by various taxes and enormous profits from state companies, and it can be used to sponsor not only ambitious healthcare research but also
large-scale campaigns to enhance the public’s understanding of children’s
health
, which can collectively lead to a reduction in children’s
excessive weight and unhealthiness.
However
, I acknowledge that the role of parents should not be neglected. They might encourage their offspring to abandon sedentary lifestyles and embrace more physical activities to facilitate fat-burning and increased metabolism. By contrast
, if parents are unaware of children’s
health
issues, they might indulge them with fatty foods or passive pastimes such
as computer games or watching TV, which would cause the endeavours by the government to be in vain.
In conclusion, I am mostly in agreement with the idea of governments bearing the obligation of solving the ongoing problems of children being obese and unhealthy as they possess unparalleled authority and budget. Nevertheless
, parents’ involvement is also
crucial. That is
why the government ought to develop a master plan to involve all entities to comprehensively improve the overall
well-being of future generations.Submitted by weezel on
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The essay presents a clear standpoint in the introduction and reaffirms this in the conclusion, which is beneficial for coherence. However, to enhance cohesion, try to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and a more consistent use of cohesive devices such as conjunctive adverbs or transition phrases.
Task Achievement
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Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.