In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
The average weight of the community is increasing and
due to
fatness, they become ill. So, their level of health and fitness is decreasing. There are different reasons for these issues which I discuss in Linking Words
this
essay. Linking Words
Finally
, I represent other measures that could be taken to solve them. Linking Words
Firstly
, depression has increased in societies. Some crowd are depressed Linking Words
due to
different dilemmas including divorce, debt, love defeat, or diseases depression is a cognitive and mental problem which limits humans at home from other nations a depressed person has to take pills and sleep to forget the realities of her/his life. Lack of movement makes her/him fat as soon as possible. Linking Words
Secondly
, machinery life has provided a comfortable living for all society. They use their cars to go shopping, to school, to university or work to get there soon. There is no time for walking or gym. Lack of physical activity results in fatness and health obstacles, especially for adults. Linking Words
Thirdly
, fast-food restaurant advertisements inspire the community to eat pizza or sandwiches continuously which are very delicious and are full of fat and sugar which results in fatness and physical complications unfortunately. Linking Words
To conclude
, increasing the average weight of the population which has resulted in decreasing their health and fitness levels is Linking Words
due to
mental problems Linking Words
such
as depression, sleeping and eating more than necessary, lack of physical movement and using unhealthy foods. I suggest inspiring folk to take part in group activities Linking Words
such
as going to clubs, walking in the park with friends, and using healthy foods. Linking Words
In addition
, studying psychology is very helpful for all crowds to know themselves better through psychological character tests to improve themselves by knowing their weaknesses and strong points.Linking Words
Submitted by nasringoli.psycolohist on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure and an evident introduction and conclusion. However, the coherence could be improved significantly with clearer transitions and a stronger paragraph structure. To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant explanations or examples.
task achievement
Concerning task achievement, the essay partially addresses the question and provides some explanation of the causes and solutions to the problem stated. However, to attain a higher score, the response needs to develop ideas more comprehensively with clear and relevant examples. Each cause and solution should be expanded upon with more detail, analysis, and supporting evidence to fully satisfy the task requirements. Besides, be careful not to stray off-topic with irrelevant information, and avoid broad generalizations by focusing on specific issues and remedies.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion