IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

18.Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It can be argued that the vast majority of countries support child apprenticeships
instead
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 of mature individuals who believe that the ruling powers should waste public funds on them. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view as the
future
Use synonyms
 of the country depends on young people.
Nevertheless
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, adults
also
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 have a role to play in regional development.
This
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 article will illustrate the perspectives of both sides and provide anecdotal evidence to support these arguments.
On the other hand
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, the progress of a country depends on how well it trains the next generation.
In other words
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, it is necessary to invest in them as they will be the doctors, engineers, and teachers of the
future
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.
For example
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, recent research conducted by Zambezi University noted that the most successful countries in the world are those that invest heavily in both boys and girls.
As a result
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, the key regional departments have been staffed with professionals who can assist communities. The best way to ensure national progress is undoubtedly through educating children.
On the other hand
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, adults are
also
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 a part of the development of the republic. Its role is to impart experience in different areas of knowledge
such
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 as education, pharmaceuticals, industry, and security. To the younger generation.
Furthermore
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, they have the responsibility to ensure a peaceful transition for
future
Use synonyms
 generations.
For example
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, in African countries,
although
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 most local adults are illiterate, they still pass down their experiences to the younger generation.
Therefore
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, the boys and girls prepared in advance to be ready for tomorrow's game.
To sum up
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,
although
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 mature individuals play an important role in society, it is not necessary to spend a significant amount of money on them.
However
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, equal treatment towards children is justified as they are the
future
Use synonyms
 guarantors of national progress.
Therefore
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, I still strongly disagree with
this
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 statement.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the conclusion could be expanded upon to provide a better round off to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clear main points that are supported with arguments. However, there are instances where the arguments are not completely coherent and slightly confusing to follow.
task achievement
The essay is mostly comprehensive and responds to the task prompt. However, the extent of agreement could be better illustrated in the response.
task achievement
The use of specific and relevant examples could be improved. Some of the examples provided are vague and do not directly support the argument being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
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