More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Due to
the rise of fattening
food
and the lack of physical exercise, there are numerous residents becoming noticeably obese. Some
people
,
therefore
, suggest that the
price
of fattening
food
should be increased. From my point of view, I totally agree with both statements. Overweight can lead to numerous serious diseases. The main reason why the number of
people
with obesity
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been rising rapidly is consuming too much fast
food
. These days, especially in the urban area,
people
tend to eat more junk
food
because of its convenience, affordable
price
and deliciousness.
However
,
food
such
as hamburgers
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
a large amount of fattening and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
and other nutrition.
Consequently
,
this
may lead to uncontrollable weight gain. In the long term, your
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
body will contract some health problems
such
as stroke, high blood pressure and heart attacks. To solve the issue mentioned,
food
prices should be adjusted by the authorities. From my perspective, the
price
of fattening foods should be raised and the
price
of healthy
food
such
as vegetables should be decreased by the government to reduce the number of overweight
people
.
Therefore
, residents may tend to prefer buying nutritional
food
rather than junk
food
and it may lower the overweight
people
. In the long term, the government can control the number of
people
who become obese. In conclusion, more
people
are
becominge
Correct your spelling
becoming
remarkably obese
due to
fattening from fast
food
and lack of
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
. The most effective solution can be increasing the
price
of fattening
food
.
Submitted by anhquynhkth06 on

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are distinct and clearly stated. Your introduction should provide a clear position statement, while your conclusion should restate your views and summarise the main points of your argument.
logical structure
Develop paragraphs that progress logically with clear main ideas supported by examples or further explanation. This makes the text easier to follow and strengthens the arguments presented.
specific examples
Use specific examples to support your points. Vague statements can weaken your arguments. Providing concrete illustrations can enhance the persuasiveness and clarity of your response.
task response
Address all parts of the task clearly, showing the examiner that you have a full understanding of the topic. Ensure your response is complete and all your ideas are expanded and explained.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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