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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women.

#people #men #women
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Some people believe that in general males are more competitive than females.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement. In my own opinion, I think that it depends on type of the
competition
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.
First,
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men
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 have a physical advantage over
women
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.
Men
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's body structures are naturally stronger than
women
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's.
For
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this
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 reason, in competitions that use strength,
men
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 will be able to do better than
women
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.
For example
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, in almost every type of sports
competition
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, there is a clear separation of genders in the
competition
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.
On the other hand
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,
women
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 have much better senses than
men
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.
For example
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, many couples found the problem that the man cannot distinguish the shade of lipstick for his lover.
That is
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 because
women
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 can generally distinguish more than 200 shades,
while
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men
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 can distinguish only less than 100 shades.
Therefore
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, if it is a battle of senses or sensitivity,
men
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 will have a hard time competing with
women
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.
In addition
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, in terms of academics or learning,
gender
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 may have a slight effect on education, with
men
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's brains able to calculate faster than
women
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's,
while
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women
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's brains are better at remembering things.
However
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, the natural
gender
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 of the brain does not mean that there is each
gender
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 is more intelligent. Intelligence largely depends on diligence. In conclusion, from the reasons mentioned above, the physical body and brain function of each
gender
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 are different, causing a slight advantage or disadvantage to each
gender
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 during
competition
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.
However
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,
that is
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 a small part compared to diligence and effort.
Submitted by juthy2 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear and logical structure, making your ideas easy to follow for the reader. Aim to have a simple and clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement and conclude with a summary of your main points, reiterating your position. Make sure your introduction and conclusion are concise, relevant, and impactful.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with concrete examples, facts, or studies to strengthen your argument. Avoid making general statements without evidence backing them up.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by ensuring that your response fully answers the question. Develop your ideas with clear, detailed explanations and examples.
task achievement
Present your ideas clearly, making sure each paragraph contains a central idea that is developed comprehensively within the paragraph itself.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. If the question alleges general assumptions, attempt to provide both general and personal examples where possible to demonstrate understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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