Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?
It is been debatable that
childhood
memories before children
start elementary school have the most crucial on the future, while
others say that the teenage era is more essential. However
, in this
essay, I tend to agree that both of them are important and I will elaborate it both views.
To begin
with, there are several reasons why the childhood
era can make the biggest impact towards children
. Firstly
, they start to figure out how to be a human, this
is the phase where they learn how to think, talk, act and write. For instance
, the survey conducted by the Children
Institution of Indonesia in 2022, said that 60% of kids taught how to talk at age 3 have a better way of communicating than children
who get the lesson talk at age 6. Secondly
, childhood
experience is the moment when children
can express their emotions freely. This
is a good movement because they can laugh, cry, and shout without any concern. Thus
, they will realize that emotions are important and how to respect other people
's feelings.
On the other hand
, teenage time also
plays an important role in people
's lives. First of all, most people
during their teenage life encounter the next journey of feelings, which is love. It is complicated yet so beautiful, that they not only care about themselves but with others. Besides
, numerous people
face hard situations during their teenage, or even failure, this
can direct them to access problem-solving skills and analytical thinking, figuring out that the world is not as stunning as it was, sometimes things we can do are just accept and forgive. Furthermore
, youth conditions can affect adulting in the future.
To sum up
, both childhood
and youth eras are precious for the development of human beings. Childhood
affects teenage time, while
the teenage era affects maturity time as well.Submitted by zefanyagyu on
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In your introduction, clearly paraphrase the question to establish your understanding of the topic. Avoid grammatical mistakes such as 'It is been debatable'. Consider using a more nuanced introduction such as 'The influence of early childhood experiences versus those of adolescence on an individual's future life has become a subject of considerable debate'.
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Ensure that your main paragraphs each have a clear central idea supported by specific examples. The provided examples are somewhat generic. Integrate more specific, illustrative examples to support your arguments for a higher score.
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While your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good, pay attention to the logical flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices to improve the connection between sentences and paragraphs.
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Address the task directly throughout your essay; particularly in the conclusion, it should be clear how your discussion relates back to the question's statement and what your own conclusive stance is regarding the topic.
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Avoid contractions like 'it's' and informal phrases that are not suitable for formal writing. Maintain a more formal tone throughout.
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Review grammar and usage to avoid simple errors, such as verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and preposition use. These mistakes impact the clarity of your ideas.
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Be concise in your writing. Avoid redundancy and repetitiveness, which can detract from the cohesion of the essay. Use a variety of sentence structures to keep the reader engaged.
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To improve the coherence and cohesion, make better use of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas, such as cause and effect, comparison, or contrast.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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