Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today’s society, the popularity of
celebrities
is more likely linked to their wealth and glamour than the prize or goal they achieved. Therefore
some people
think this
phenomenon would affect young people
negatively. in
my view, Capitalize word
In
this
concern has its rationality but lacks a comprehensive sight of society and education
.
Indeed, this
phenomenon did unfold as people
worried. To illustrate it, Young generations could easily affected by the improper values which influencers exhibit on their social media by showing off their lavish lives, due to
the large proportion of online communication in young people
’s lives. For example
, many students would save money which was supposed spent on their meals to buy luxury items, just because they want the same product as celebrities
. However
, in some circumstances, it could also
be considered as a promotion for young people
in offering themselves a better life. Setting a material goal is an efficient way for younger generations to overcome the difficulties. To be more specific, it would be harder for adolescents
to clarify their life aims or career path, but easier to motivate themselves to achieve short-term goals, such
as working hard to imitate celebrities
’ possessions.
Apart from that, the concern mentioned above showed an insufficient understanding of the core, which was also
an underestimation of educational effects and students’ behaviours. Children have been taught the correct values for many years, with the prerequisite of receiving education
, which was commonly a mandatory duty globally. Therefore
, it was impossible for adolescents
would idolize those celebrities
who did not deserve it because, after education
, adolescents
can distinguish the personalities which people
can cherish. A good example is, if adolescents
were asked to name a person who is worthy of respect, they are more likely to say the name of a scientist instead
of an internet celebrity. Compared to ethical stud
, it’s hard for Correct your spelling
studies
celebrities
who were famous for their wealth and glamour instead
of achievements to win the control of the young generation’s standard of examples.
In conclusion, while
the glamorization of wealth and glamour by celebrities
can have some negative effects on young people
, the strong foundation of education
and correct values taught to children can mitigate these effects. Therefore
, the influence of such
celebrities
is not as detrimental as it might seem.Submitted by zengchen0522 on
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task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear opinion, it could benefit from more relevant and specific examples to better support the arguments being made. For instance, mention specific celebrities or cases that illustrate the points about glamour and wealth versus genuine achievements.
coherence cohesion
The essay displays a logical structure and has clear introduction and conclusion sections. However, some paragraphs could be more coherently linked, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more linking phrases and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported and developed. Some arguments, like the role of education, are very general and could be more specific and detailed to provide stronger support.
task achievement
The essay effectively responds to the prompt and provides a well-rounded argument from both perspectives, acknowledging the potential negative influence of celebrities while also mentioning the role of education.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and encapsulate the main ideas of the essay effectively. This provides a clear framework for the reader, helping to understand the essay's direction.
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