IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinemas. Others, say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #films #phones #tablets #cinemas #cinema
In the modern world, technology is increasing ,and many
people
 are watching
movies
 from cell phones and computers. Others think that watching a movie on the
internet
 is not enjoyable , if
people
 need the feeling from the movie, they will go to the theatre is better.
This
 essay will discuss both views and will give reasons.
To begin
 with, the reason why someone thinks that watching shows on the
internet
 is the best idea. Innovation is rising so, they think that watching
movies
 from smartphone and computer are comfortable and safe.
In addition
, the price is not expensive.
Such
 as the percentage between the years 2015 to 2020 of
people
 who watched TV channels on the
internet
have been growth
Wrong verb form
has grown
show examples
. And researchers have been said that they believe that the number will sharply increase in the future.
Thus
, I think that the cause why
people
 watch TV programs on the
internet
 is because it is comfortable, cost and safe.
On the other hand
, some think that if
people
 need a real feeling from the movie, they should go to the cinema because the cinema has material.
However
, I think that watching
movies
 on the
Internet
 is better ,and phones and computers have many functions to use so,
this
 is a better choice.
To sum up
, I believe that watching
movies
 on the
internet
 like phones and tablets is comfortable ,and they have many modes of watching them that why the number of
people
 who watch
movies
 online is increasing.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does demonstrate an attempt to discuss both views but lacks a fully developed argument. To improve your task achievement score, ensure that you are providing a clear opinion that addresses all parts of the prompt. Your conclusion should tie your arguments together and reflect a well-reasoned personal stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more cohesive structure by using a wider range of cohesive devices such as linking words and topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. The use of paragraphs needs to be logical and their content should be connected to the central topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: