IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Prisoners should be sent to prisons for crimes committee. What's your opinion

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There is an idea about throwing all the offenders to jail for the crime that they have committed. I am of mixed opinion about that. I fully wholeheartedly agree that
criminals
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 who have committed serious crimes
for example
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 murder, drug trafficking, and raping have to spend ages in
prison
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 as they are highly dangerous for society
otherwise
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 they are able to keep on offending and cause a great number of
catastrophies
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catastrophes
 for individuals and society.
Furthermore
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, in order to make positive changes both behaviourly and perspectively it is necessary to start mandatory rehabilitation sessions in
prison
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.
In addition
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, it is vital to observe them carefully to ensure that they do not mingle with highly dangerous
criminals
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 like serial killers as they inevitably have negative impacts on other prisoners.
Thus
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 it could be a good idea to keep them in highly guarded prisonsprisons.
On the other hand
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 in my opinion minor
criminals
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for instance
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 pickpocketers, shoplifters should not be sent to
prison
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 and many of them could be punished by paying fines and signing commitments because nowadays a lot of prisons are constructed by the government as the number of offenders has rised which costs a great amount of money. In other words, it all needs tons of money both to take care of prisoners and build prisons
as well as
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 make training courses for them and feed them.
Moreover
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 in
prison
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 minor
criminals
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 have the chance to communicate with serious
criminals
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 which obviously is detrimental,
consequently
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 it might not
sounds
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sound
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 really reasonable to keep many wrongdoers in
prison
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,
however
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, I believe that
persistant
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persistent
 offernders have to spend proper time in prisons whether they committed a minor crime or not. In conclusion, we should think carefully about whether
prison
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 is suitable for all offenders
ore
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or if
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 there are alternative ways to punish them which do not cost a lot and are more effective at the same time.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by organizing ideas more effectively and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use transitional phrases to create clear connections between your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct. Your introduction should more explicitly state your thesis, while your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. Specific examples help illustrate your arguments and strengthen the essay's persuasiveness.
task achievement
Address the task fully by ensuring that your opinion is clear throughout the essay. Make sure your points are directly related to the essay question and provide a balanced discussion if presenting multiple viewpoints.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas to make sure they are comprehensive and easily understood. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is clearly expressed and developed.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and precise examples that are directly relevant to your argument. General statements should be supported by specific, concrete examples to demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Incarceration
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Deterrent
  • Restorative justice
  • Economic viability
  • Sentencing
  • Criminal behavior
  • Psychological support
  • Public safety
  • Human rights
  • Correctional facility
  • Offender
  • Punitive measures
  • Crime prevention
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