Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is often argued that
expansion
Replace the word
expanding
number
of Correct article usage
the number
sports
amenities is the most appropriate way to boost public health
. While
others believe that expanding quantities of sports
facilities
is not the best solution. This
essay will show whether additional sports
facilities
are really needed or not.
On the one hand, increasing the number of sports
facilities
can significantly improve public health
. This
means that more people will have access to places where they can engage in physical activities, leading to a healthier population. For instance
, when new gyms and sports
complexes are built, people have more opportunities to exercise regularly, which can help reduce obesity rates and related health
issues. Diverse sports
options can encourage individuals of all ages and fitness levels to participate in activities they enjoy, fostering a more active lifestyle.
Despite the arguments mentioned above, some argue that merely expanding sports
facilities
will not effectively enhance public health
. This
is due to
the fact that many people might lack the motivation or knowledge to utilize these facilities
properly. Thus
, without additional measures such
as educational programs on the importance of physical activity and healthy lifestyle choices, the impact of new sports
facilities
might be minimal. For example
, in areas where new gyms have been established, attendance rates often remain low because individuals are not sufficiently encouraged or informed about how to incorporate fitness into their routines.
In conclusion, it is often argued that expanding the number of sports
amenities is the most appropriate way to boost public health
. While
others believe that expanding quantities of sports
facilities
is not the best solution. Therefore
, a combination of increased sports
facilities
and educational initiatives would be the most effective strategy to enhance public health
.Submitted by eparfenenkov on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help in presenting a more structured argument.
task response
Develop each argument further with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the task response.
task response
Avoid repetitive statements in the introduction and conclusion. These areas should succinctly introduce the topic and summarize the main points, respectively.
task response
You have adequately addressed both views in the discussion, presenting a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured overall, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each view.
coherence cohesion
Your points are generally clear and you have good control over language, making your ideas easy to understand.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?