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Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing populations creates problems for government. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.

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In recent years, there have been numerous
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that an older population creates problems for the
government
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.
on the other hand
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, some
people
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 there are upsides if a
country
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 has more ageing
people
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. As
such
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, there are merits and demerits to
this
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 topic,
although
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 I opine the merits outweigh the demerits. In
this
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 essay, I will explain all the relevant facets based on factual premises. there are several reasons to support
this
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 idea, the most predominant one is increased pension. It can be burdened for the
country
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, especially young
people
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 who work and pay taxes are not as many as elderly
people
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.
Moreover
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, usually,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ageing
people
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 have several chronic diseases which
are
Verb problem
have
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became
Wrong verb form
become
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 a responsibility of the
government
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. In
additon
Correct your spelling
addition
, competition for a job became massive
as a result
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 of the unretirement an older
people
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.
However
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, having the elderly in our society can help uphold
Correct article usage
the moral
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moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
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 and
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
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 of young
people
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 in a
country
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.
Due to
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, numerous experiences in their lives.
Furthermore
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, older
people
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 can lead to a growing pool of volunteers after retirement to help
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government
Add an article
the government
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.
For example
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, the
government
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 still can use their experience and knowledge to good advantage
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
country
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. In conclusion,
although
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 having older
people
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 might decline the number of productivity in one
country
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,
however
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, numerous benefits are gained by the elderly. even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are disadvantages, the advantages are not lost the prominent.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a logical structure, with each paragraph having a clear central idea that is developed coherently. Avoid disjointed or irrelevant information that could disrupt the flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You should include a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction must paraphrase the question and state your position, while the conclusion should summarily address the main points stated and reiterate your overall stance without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Each of your main points should be well-supported by relevant reasons or examples. Aim to develop your arguments fully by providing specific instances or detailed explanations for the assertions you make.
task achievement
Your response should be complete and fully address all parts of the task. Take care to answer the question directly and ensure your position is clear throughout your essay.
task achievement
Ideas should be expressed clearly and comprehensively. Use a range of vocabulary to convey your thoughts effectively and ensure you have a good understanding of the terms and concepts you are using.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. While hypothetical examples can be beneficial, whenever possible, reference real-world situations or evidence to support your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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