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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some individuals believe that the right
place
Use synonyms
 to teach
children
Use synonyms
 how to become good citizens is the
school
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,
while
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 others argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be the ones responsible for that.
Although
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parents
Use synonyms
 might influence their
children
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 more than anyone else, I believe that educational institutions are more trained and properly equipped to teach
children
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 how to become successful members of the community.
Parents
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 have the biggest impact on their kids.
This
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 is due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 fact that
children
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 spend most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 with their mothers and fathers which dramatically influences the way kids act and think. If
parents
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 behave well and have an example of healthy habits,
children
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 will directly imitate them.
This
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 confirms the fact that no one might exert
such
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 a strong influence on their
children
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.
For instance
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, a study in Britain showed that
children
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 are two times more influenced by their
parents
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 than their teachers.
However
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, I strongly believe that
this
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 is not enough and that
school
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 should be the
place
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 teaching
children
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 to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good people in society. Schools are trained
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to build a good citizen. Teachers spent their undergraduate years studying how to deal with
children
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 and train them to become better individuals in their communities.
For
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this
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 reason, educational institutions should be the
place
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 where
children
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 can safely acquire the needed behaviours to become better individuals in the future.
For example
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, a recent study in the USA showed that 90% of schools train teachers how to help students to become better citizens.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe that the best
place
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 to do
this
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 is the
school
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. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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 have a strong influence on their
children
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, I believe that the best
place
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 to create better citizens is the
school
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 because tutors are trained to do that.
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task achievement
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining a consistent opinion throughout the essay. To improve, ensure that your opinion is stated in the introduction to set the context for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows a good logical structure with a clear progression of ideas. However, you could enhance your score further by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to separate and emphasise your main points more clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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