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Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Some individuals believe that the right
place
 to teach
children
 how to become good citizens is the
school
,
while
 others argue that
parents
 should be the ones responsible for that.
Although
parents
 might influence their
children
 more than anyone else, I believe that educational institutions are more trained and properly equipped to teach
children
 how to become successful members of the community.
Parents
 have the biggest impact on their kids.
This
 is due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 fact that
children
 spend most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 with their mothers and fathers which dramatically influences the way kids act and think. If
parents
 behave well and have an example of healthy habits,
children
 will directly imitate them.
This
 confirms the fact that no one might exert
such
 a strong influence on their
children
.
For instance
, a study in Britain showed that
children
 are two times more influenced by their
parents
 than their teachers.
However
, I strongly believe that
this
 is not enough and that
school
 should be the
place
 teaching
children
 to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good people in society. Schools are trained
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to build a good citizen. Teachers spent their undergraduate years studying how to deal with
children
 and train them to become better individuals in their communities.
For
this
 reason, educational institutions should be the
place
 where
children
 can safely acquire the needed behaviours to become better individuals in the future.
For example
, a recent study in the USA showed that 90% of schools train teachers how to help students to become better citizens.
For
this
 reason, I believe that the best
place
 to do
this
 is the
school
. In conclusion,
although
parents
 have a strong influence on their
children
, I believe that the best
place
 to create better citizens is the
school
 because tutors are trained to do that.
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task achievement
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining a consistent opinion throughout the essay. To improve, ensure that your opinion is stated in the introduction to set the context for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows a good logical structure with a clear progression of ideas. However, you could enhance your score further by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to separate and emphasise your main points more clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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