IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school .What arre reasons and solution.

#students #attention #school #arre
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, because of the advancement of technology, offspring may be easily distracted. A number of
students
 discover that they cannot focus on subjects at school.
This
 essay will explore possible causes of
this
 problem,
as well as
 some measures that could be taken to solve it. There are several reasons why
students
 find it difficult to pay attention at school. One of the most important reasons is the distraction of children by technology
such
 as smartphones or by their surroundings,
such
 as a noisy classroom.
For example
, when they lack interest in their class, they are going to play on a device.
Therefore
, gadgets
such
 as phones could be a reason why
kids
 find it difficult to concentrate when they are at an educational institution. Another significant reason that children can find it difficult to concentrate at an educational institution is a lack of concentration
due to
 undiagnosed learning disabilities.
This
 is a type of mental illness.
As a result
,
students
 suffering from
this
 ailment do not have the ability to focus on something for a long time, compared to usual
kids
.
However
, a number of solutions exist to solve the problem. It is clearly why people around
kids
 have to play an important role. Teachers and parents should restrict time to use technological tools for better attention to learning
such
 as by turning off devices during study time.
Also
, instructors should be more interesting or interactive with children in their class in order to receive indentation from their
students
.
Moreover
, teachers and parents should be more careful for
kids
 who suffer from illness so as to give proper support. In conclusion,
kids
 lacking concentration can be thanks by many conditions. These conditions can
also
 include mental illness. To help solve
this
 problem there should be involvement of parents and teachers.
Submitted by champperkhu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
It is essential to organize the essay in a logical way. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow smoothly from one to the next, using a range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Make sure the introduction effectively paraphrases the question and outlines the structure of the essay. The conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with clear and relevant examples or explanations. Aim to develop each idea further to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that you have fully addressed all parts of the task. Cover all aspects of the question in sufficient detail and work on providing a clear and well-rounded answer.
task achievement
Strive for clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have a clear purpose, and the ideas within it should be well explained and backed up by evidence.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points and make your arguments more convincing. These can be drawn from a variety of sources, including personal experiences, observations, or other credible sources.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Concentration
  • Digital distractions
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Curriculum
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Dietary habits
  • Stress
  • Conducive learning environment
  • Engagement
  • Counseling
  • Academic focus
  • Resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: