IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether or not should art classes be considered an essential subject for
students
Use synonyms
 of high education is a highly controversial discussion point. It is
this
Linking Words
 writer’s opinion that arts should be made the main subject in school
due to
Linking Words
 its benefits in developing creativity and enjoyment. It should be acknowledged that arts promote pupils to be creative. There are many lessons in art that require people to think by themselves without any particular formula.
This
Linking Words
 helps the
students
Use synonyms
 get used to thinking outside of the box
while
Linking Words
 letting them express their thoughts via brushes and pencils.
Consequently
Linking Words
, learners can apply
this
Linking Words
 way of thinking in various logical subjects to
have
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 a deeper insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
 them and study them much
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey conducted in different schools, those who get to study
this
Linking Words
 skill at school reported to have understood math and other subjects alike at a faster pace. Another point that should
also
Linking Words
 be considered is that artistic lessons improve
students
Use synonyms
'
overall
Linking Words
 mental health. There are many occasions in which class participants have to show their ideas with their own products.
This
Linking Words
 can result in the
in the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
pupils being able to illustrate their views or their ideal figures on paper and models.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 will be able to reflect on their own emotions and set a goal for them to chase after. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 writer contends that art should be made compulsory in high school as it benefits the learners’ studying progress and mentality.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay has demonstrated clear points to the aforementioned statement.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
To improve your essay, make sure to avoid small grammatical errors and inconsistencies. For example, 'Whether or not should art classes be considered' should be 'Whether art classes should be considered'. Additionally, the phrase 'reported to have understood math and other subjects alike at a faster pace' could be simplified to 'reported understanding math and other subjects more quickly.'
vocabulary
Your essay can benefit from a wider range of lexical resources. Try to use varied vocabulary when discussing the same point to keep the reader engaged. Instead of repetitive phrases like 'students' and 'learners,' consider using terms like 'young people,' 'individuals,' or 'participants.' This can make your writing more lively and varied.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, clearly stating your opinion and summarizing the key points.
content
Your argument is logical and well-organized. The points you raised about creativity and mental health are well-supported with examples and reasoning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
What to do next:
Look at other essays: