IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Space travel has been possible for sometime and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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These days, many individuals think that travelling space will be possible and become the most thriving sector in the future. In my opinion, I believe that
this
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 improvement has more issues than benefits because of several challenges. On the one hand, there are some advantages that can be mentioned.
Firstly
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, if spacial tourism is successful, it can solve overpopulation issues. In fact, when travelling to other planets, most tourists will tend to live in these new places, helping governments allocate the number of citizens properly.
Besides
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, the universe now is considered a mystery to scientists.
Therefore
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, travelling space projects contribute to encouraging students to study intensive knowledge about the cosmos.
As a result
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, overpopulation can be solved and create several opportunities for travellers and pupils to get access to universe subjects.
However
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, the drawbacks are more significant than the benefits. Financial difficulties is a notable barrier on the grounds that need to be invested a huge sum of money to build facilities like station or spaceship, leading to a decrease in state budgets if it fails.
For example
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, Elon Musk, the richest businessman in the world, has suffered from a financial loss
due to
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 accomplishing a spaceship.
Moreover
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, another problem is the lack of master skilled astronauts who are responsible for ensuring safe destinations for tourists beforehand.
This
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 is because the outside earth is dangerous and contains hazards.
As a consequence
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,
this
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 can cause injuries, health problems and death,
as well as
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, threaten the profitability of business, especially during economic recession. In conclusion,
although
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 taking a tour of new planets is possible and facilitates the development of the country, from my point of view, it is not a positive idea
due to
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 a number of potential risks, particularly financial and personal health.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a basic logical structure, but there could be clearer connections and transitions between ideas. Aim to use a variety of linking words and organize your paragraphs more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion which frames your essay well. However, ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
You provided support for your main points, but the arguments could be strengthened with more relevant and specific examples. Instead of making general claims, use concrete examples that clearly illustrate your viewpoint.
task achievement
You addressed the task by stating your opinion and discussing both benefits and drawbacks of space tourism. However, to fully meet the task's requirements, ensure that your response fully answers all parts of the question, including the implications of space travel being a 'positive or negative development'.
task achievement
Your ideas about space travel are clear and conveyed with some level of detail. To improve, consider deepening your analysis and providing more comprehensive explanations of why you consider space tourism to be more negative than positive.
task achievement
Your essay lacked detailed and relevant examples that specifically support your argument. Provide real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios that are directly tied to the topic of space tourism and its potential impacts.
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