IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people encourage young children to leave their parents' house as soon as they become adults while others say children should stay at their parents' house as long as possible.

#people #children #parents #house #adults
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Although
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 inspire
young
Add an article
the young
a young
show examples
 generation to leave their
parents
Use synonyms
' home as soon as they become mature
when
Rephrase
apply
show examples
others think
children
Use synonyms
 should not take leave their
parents
Use synonyms
' house as long as possible. I agree with
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
view
Use synonyms
 because after becoming adults
children
Use synonyms
 should not just leave their
parents
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due to
Linking Words
 their
parents
Use synonyms
 may need their help and they are
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 ones who support them by all means. On the one hand, teenagers are being encouraged by some
people
Use synonyms
 to leave their
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 apartment and
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that point of
view
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 , by reason of after getting older young ones have to be freedom and start a new life for themselves.
According to
Linking Words
 some
people
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,
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
parents
Add a comma
parents,
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 they will not be able to act independently,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
may be
obstacle
Add an article
an obstacle
show examples
 for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , as claimed by other
people
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children
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 should not say goodbye to life in
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 home
as a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, it is their turn to look after their
parents
Use synonyms
 when they get older
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since their
parents
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
always support their kids and try to give
then
Linking Words
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 direction of their ways.
This
Linking Words
 is unfairness just leave them alone when they get old and need help. So , I agree with
this
Linking Words
view
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. In conclusion, in my
view
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 , leaving
parents
Use synonyms
 when old and looking after them is not true. Some consider when
children
Use synonyms
 become adults they ought to leave their
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 hall
while
Linking Words
 others think mature teenagers should not leave their
parents
Use synonyms
 behind.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you provide a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay. The conclusion must effectively summarize the main points of your argument without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use clear logical connectors to improve the coherence of your essay. Ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear explanations and relevant examples. Each paragraph should have a central idea that is expanded upon with evidence and analysis.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt in your response, with a comprehensive discussion on both views and a personal statement where necessary.
task achievement
Communicate your ideas clearly and concisely. Develop your arguments comprehensively, ensuring that they are easy to understand and well-supported.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should be relevant and strengthen your position on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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